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* Round B Prizes and Awards, Part 8: *
* *
* Olde English - and New Commandments *
* *
* "Thou shalt not be mocked if rightly dost thou speak thy language."*
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From: Graybeard E. Syntax,
Professor of Renaissance Linguistics,
University of Warlords.
To: Tournament Headquarters
Re: The Ten Commandments of the Olde King's English
Dear "Tournament Headquarters",
Here at U. Warlords, we take great pride in producing Warlords
with an impeccable understanding of the art of roleplaying.
So it surprised me greatly when last year a friend of thine
reported unto me of thy most unworthy activities. And I must
say that I am shocked - shocked! Thou hast disgraced us all!
Hadst thou been content to successfully graduate from U. Warlords
with all honors, and advance to such a worthy institution as
Princeton University, none should have upbraided thee.
Why, then, didst ye insist upon writing material of such dubious
quality as your so-called "Ten Commandments of Tournament Warlords?"
Wert thou mad?
Whilst thou seemst to have understood the concepts behind the
Ten Commandments, thy phrasing hath brought dishonor
upon thee and thy University! Never since Monthy Python
have I seen such a massacre of Ye Olde English!
And this from one who aspireth to be a leader of Warlords!
Where goeth this world? Though civilization runneth downhill,
thou shoudst not concede defeat to laziness in writing thy
all-important commandments! Even now my ear heareth those
Renaissance monarchs whose speech ye claim to emulate,
King James and Queen Elizabeth, rolling over in their graves!
And verily can I hear Shakespeare's ghost cackling in
mockery at thee... (Or mayhap the noise cometh from my stomach?
The bell tolleth now for the evening sup. Nevermind.)
For the sake of thy readers, thou shalt pass on my own
illuminating monograph upon this subject, which I have copied
below. And for thy own sake as well, thou shalt also revise thy
unholy Commandments to conform to the Righteous English!
Shouldst thou fail to do so, we shall be forced to reclaim the
standard which ye earned upon graduation, and nevermore shalt
thou see the fields of battle, for none can compete without
a standard from the University of Warlords. Harken ye well
to my words, and send me the revised version post-haste!
Sincerely,
Graybeard E. Syntax,
Professor of Renaissance Linguistics,
University of Warlords.
Enclosure: Ten Commandments of Renaissance English
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The Ten Commandments of the Olde King's English
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1. Thou shalt use the Olde English words correctly, and substitute
them for the correct modern English word in the correct place.
2. Thou shalt not use the Olde English words incorrectly by
substituting them for the wrong word, or in the wrong way,
or in the wrong place, lest thy foes mock thee!
3. Thou shalt not disrespect the rules for the second-person pronouns:
"Ye" = "You" used as an ACTIVE SUBJECT
"Thou" = "You" used as a PASSIVE SUBJECT (descriptive)
"Thee" = "You" used as an OBJECT
Ludicrous: Ye are crazy, thee knoweth me, my wisdom astounds thou.
Correct:
Though thou art foolish, ye know me: my wisdom astoundeth thee.
YOU (are) ... YOU (act) ... (acts on) YOU.
Ye lift, Ye run, Ye carry, Ye know, Ye amuse, Ye threaten... all
of them direct active verbs.
NEVER Ye have, Ye were, Ye are, Ye had, Ye shall, Ye should... all
of them descriptive or passive. Thou hast, Thou wast, Thou art,
Thou shalt, Thou shouldst, and "Hadst thou been content..." or maybe
"Hadst ye sufficed thy selves.."
4. Thou shalt not disrespect the rules for the possessive pronouns:
"Thy" = "Your"
"Thine" = "Yours"
"My" = "My"
"Mine" = "Mine"
The words "thy" and "thine" are used exactly like "your" and "yours".
5. Thou shalt not confuse "thy", "thine", "thee" and "thou" with each other.
The words "thy" and "thine" are not used for "you", nor are they
equivalent to each other.
Bogus: Thine enemies mock thy feeble endeavours.
Correct: Thy enemies mock thee; I am no enemy of thine.
6. Thou shalt not replace "my" with "mine".
Poetic License: Mine eyes have seen the glory.
Correct: My eyes have seen the glory, yet these eyes of mine go blind?
7. Thou shalt not disrespect the rules for "-eth" ending of certain verbs.
The "-eth" ending occurs on VERBS ONLY so they match the nouns, the same
as in modern english where the same verbs end in "-s" or "-es". It is
not used on EVERY verb, and it is NEVER used on nouns.
Ludicrous: Thee shall buildeth strong castleth to defendeth ye army.
Correct: A soft answer turneth away wrath. Strong castle walls
turn away even more wrath. Thou shalt build strong
castles to defend thy army.
8. Thou shalt not misuse the special endings for certain verbs:
Endings of -t, -th, and -st occur on certain verbs when used with "thou"
or when discussing one of thy posessions. Some other forms occur with he
or they, but not with I or me.
"shalt" = "shall" I shall, he shall, thou shalt (a command)
"wilt" = "will" I will, he will, thou wilt (a prediction)
* "hast" = "have" I have, he has, thou hast
"wert" = "were" I was, he wast, thou wert
"doth" = "does"
"dost" = "do" I do, he doth, thou dost
"art" = "are" I am, he is, thou art
* "hath" = "has" ................. thy hand hath
"shouldst" = "should" ............... thou shouldst
"wouldst" = "would" ............... thou wouldst
* Note by Headquarters/Coordinator - I believe Graybeard made a small
* error, and the correct forms for have/has are actually
* "I have, he hath, thou hast"
* Note that "thy hand hath" is third-person, as is "he hath".
* I may be in error, but it is possible Graybeard hath himself
* made a mistake here, and perhaps in other places as well.
Correct: Thou shalt not kill; I shall kill! If thou dost not
submit, thou art doomed; thou wilt feel my wrath. Thou
wast powerful, but thou hast seen the end; thy army
hath abandoned thee. Thou shouldst not have attacked
me; thou wouldst profit to consider thy actions, lest
the next death be thine. What sayeth ye?
9. Thou shalt not end thy nouns as if they were verbs.
10. Thou shalt not fear the making of errors; thou shouldst simply
write the modern English first and then thou wilt see
clearly the path leading thee to Righteous English.
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To: Graybeard E. Syntax,
Professor of Renaissance Linguistics,
University of Warlords.
From: Warlords League Coordinator
Re: The Ten Commandments of Warlords
Dear Professor Syntax,
Verily thou wert correct. It appeareth as though The Ten
Commandments were written in haste of the start of the
Tournament, with more emphasis upon content than meaning.
But forsooth, thy letter from academia didst move even more
slowly than Round B, and verily the Tournament be almost over!
What be the value in rewriting that which is doomed to be useless?
Allow me then to mend the error of my ways even as I update
the Ten Commandments for the new World Warlords II League...
-- Lord Prenthenil
ex-Tournament Headquarters, now
Warlords League Coordinator
P.S. I have noted an inconsistency in thy own Ten Commandments.
Art thou certain it is "he has" and yet "thy hand hath"?
Nevermind, for I recall that to err is human...
Enclosure: Ten Commandments of the Warlords League
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THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF THE WARLORDS LEAGUE (KING JAMES EDITION)
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(Corrected from the Tournament version and Updated for the League)
1.Thou Shalt Play With Honor
The essential thing is not to conquer, but to fight well
and have fun. Thou shouldst finish any game thou hast started.
Thou shalt fight for thy own honor, and fight to the end.
He who dishonoreth himself shall be punished, see his deed
publicized, and lose rank!
2.Peace is not an Option!
For each game ye start, thou shalt fight against thy foes until
thy cause groweth hopeless. If ye win, thou wilt gain rank.
If ye lose, thou wilt lose rank. He who reacheth the top shall
be known evermore as "The Greatest" - at least until he loseth!
3.Thou Shalt Use All Features of the Game:
Thou canst do almost anything possible to win, using the Warlords
application only, including reverting, peeking at other kingdoms,
and previewing ruin contents.
4.Thou Shalt Not Cheat:
Thou shalt not edit the Warlords application, the game file,
battle tools, or any scenario data, nor shalt thou change a
previous player's turn or enhance a human's forces. Err,
and thy disembodied head shall be planted on a pole and
denied the glory of battle until atonement is granted!
5.Thou Shalt Carefully Brew thy Mighty Battles:
Thou shalt carefully use only the proper army set in WarBOT,
enter thy army strengths rightly and not do better in combat
than the Gods of WarBOT decree. If ye make too many
mistakes, thy decapitated body shall be drawn and quartered,
and thy kingdom ruled by robots!
6.Thou Shalt Record thy Exploits for Posterity:
Thou shalt use the reporting template each turn, to record thy
armies' and hero's exploits for all, glorifying
thy name - and allowing thy enemies to confirm thy honor.
7.Thou Shalt Limit Thy Heroes and Allies:
Each game shall have specified rules for the hiring of heroes
and recruiting of allies. Thou shalt not hire unauthorized heroes
nor retain excess allies. If ye err in thy ways, thou wilt
be compelled to repeat thy most recent move.
8.Thou Shalt Move Quickly:
Thou wilt have a fixed time limit for each move, from the
time when the Warlords II Remailer doth send it to thee until
thou dost return both gamefile and turn report unto the Remailer.
Thou wilt have a limited supply of emergency timeouts
for the duration of the game, but excessive delay
shall see thy head planted upon a pole and thy kingdom
controlled by cowardly cyborgs!
9.Thou Shalt not Keep Secrets:
Thou shalt share all conversations with all players in the game,
thou shalt not falsify email messages, and thou shalt confine
"secret" messages to the signposts and cities of the map.
10.Thou Shalt be Aided by thy Moderators:
Thy doubts and concerns may be soothed by reading the Game Rules
and consulting the League References, and then writing your
concern in supplication to thy moderator, indicating the
relevant rules. Thy moderator shall decide issues and provide
judgment and assistance where needed. Thou mayst also appeal
bad decisions to the official Rules Committee of the League.
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