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* Round B Prizes and Awards, Part 4: *
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* THE WARLORDS PULITZERS - ROUND B *
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* "Honoring the role-playing highlights of the round." *
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Round B Tournament Archives (histories, scenarios, and final gamefiles):
http://www.pixgen.com/~rfheeter/w2home/archive/tournament/roundb/
1. The "Iliad and Odyssey" award goes, again, to Steve the Giant,
for his continuing Homeric verse-based roleplay. This time
he was Yellow in B17, and again he garnered a Best Actor
nomination. Will he three-peat in Round C? :)
Steve is without question the rhyme-master of the tournament.
His rhymes are clever, well-thought-out, and just sound nice.
We just want more of them! :) Though others produced
verse in quantity, Steve produced quality.
A sample introducing his hero:
"Yellow Perili
foul mouthed and smelly
make him some room at the Belly Boys Bar.
Your troopers he slaughters,
watch out for your daughters,
he's definitely safer when viewed from afar."
2. "How do you greet an old buddy?" / "These Items are *Cursed*!"
We have to share two nice quotes from Best Actor nominee
Kamevil of B10. He went with a Greek mythology theme,
and his hero Hercules got a little confused when his third hero,
Jason, arrives on Turn 7:
>Hercules considers the flood of information that arrives all
>at once. Jason has arrived in 54-Piraeus and awaits orders.
>And he has had a sex change operation! Herc wonders how one
>greets an old buddy that now visits the ladies room.
"Jason" has some interesting adventures, and makes a nice
recovery on Turn 17 after accidentally taking the items from
a dead Blue Static Defense hero (against the rules):
>Jason begins to admire her newfound items that she lifted
>from Korpspick. Suddenly she gets very ill and drops the
>command item. The evil one must have cursed the items when
>he knew that time was short. She throws the items down near
>his corpse and walks away disgusted.
3. The "Missing Messenger" Award - honoring the best explanation for
a missing turn report. This award goes to Jareth bar Belford
of B06, with this gem:
>Jareth wakes to a disturbing report. It appears that the
>herald he had dispatched to report the happy progress of his
>message of freedom disappeared enroute to the Remailer
>Broadcast Center. Suspicion has fallen on agents of
>Temujin, as the herald's route took him close to the
>southern border city formerly known as 07. The subsequent
>capture of that city, now known as Retreat, tends to confirm
>this concern. Of course, no such effort to suppress the
>joyous news of Jareth's message of hope can long succeed.
>The truth cannot be contained. Thus, Jareth dispatches two
>heralds, to ensure that all of the important news will be
>shared with the entire world.
And thus a turn report which had vanished into the ether
found its way to the audience in the end...
4. The "Scorched Earth" Awards #1 - "Les Miserables"
Like the French revolutionaries in Victor Hugo's famous
saga, Nomad's forces in B17 took to the barricades, seeking
justice for the common people. Appropriately enough, he was
the Red player. Alas, like many before him, his war wasn't
successful. So he vowed to fight to the death against the
bourgois forces. The most noteworthy event was when he
razed 5 cities on one turn to prevent those said forces from
subjecting the people to their tyranny:
>Standing amidst the ruins of her once mighty kingdom,
>Charisma sadly considers the options. Shall we surrender?
>Give up in defeat? Curl up like a beaten dog and die?
>NEVER!! Till the last we shall struggle! With this
>determination, Charisma makes her way south, retribution is
>her goal. As she travels, it seems as if her determination
>has made her stronger. Her legs stride out farther and she
>grits her teeth, contemplating the battle to come.
>
>03 Guillotine razed
>07 South Centre razed
>33 Guerilla War razed
>36 Pitts razed
>41 West Gate razed
5. The "Scorched Earth" Awards #2 - "Jareth's Retreat"
This heartwringing episode comes from Best Actor nominee
Jareth bar Belford of B06, as his new religion is overrun
by Rorqual and Gor Bonecracker:
>A chill wind blows through the streets of Benalia as Jareth
>wearily mounts the battlements of the castle. He looks out
>across a sea of weary, blood-stained, and fearful faces.
>His heart swells with pride as he thinks of the last full
>measure of devotion that so many of his followers have given
>to his cause. But his heart also fills with sorrow as he
>prepares his words.
>
>"My friends, I must tell you that our cause is lost." He
>holds up his hand to silence the roars of protest that erupt
>from the crowd. "Nay, it is true! You all wondered at my
>absence, when my able lieutenant, Sir George, rallied you
>all in defense of our homeland. But while I was gone, I
>travelled far to the east. We already know of the mighty
>army that Rorqual has amassed against us. I had held some
>hope that if our flank could be defended, we might yet beat
>back his barbarian hordes. But I am saddened to report that
>our noble ally, Temujin, has fallen before the onslaught
>of..." Jareth's voice lowered to a whisper "...Gor
>Bonecracker." Cries of fear rose from the crowd; some
>fainted. Clearly, the legend of the Bonecracker was well
>known.
>
>"Temujin still lives, thank God, but he survives only by the
>barest of margins. He will not be able to help us. And so,
>a choice lies before us. We can stand and fight. I know
>each of you will gladly lay down your life in our cause, as
>will I. But ultimately, we will fall. I propose that we
>deny our enemies the bounty of our cities. We must gather
>everything we can and flee, burning the cities behind us as
>we go. With luck, we can hold out a little longer in the
>capital, but in the meantime, the yellow and white hordes
>will be unable to resupply. I know that it is a hard thing
>to ask, but what say you all?"
>
>The defiant roar that rose from the square before him told
>Jareth everything he needed to know. Four hours later,
>slogging through the swamp, he brushed a tear from his eyes
>as the first wisps of smoke assailed his nostrils. He
>couldn't look back.
6. "Wasting Away in Margaritaville" -
Seymour Blood in B17 came up with a really clever roleplay
based on the life and music of U.S. country music star Jimmy
Buffett. Our only problem is that we on the prize
committee, unfortunately, know very little of Jimmy Buffett
except for this one song. Seymour Blood was great, except
that his game wound up like Buffett's song - he got wasted
by Steve the Giant (of "Iliad and Odyssey" fame) and
Lovesword-B (of "Phoenix Award" fame). However, we have to
congratulate Seymour Blood on not only producing a son
during the round, but also surviving that adventure and
staying in the game! May that achievement bring him even
more joy and happiness than the Tournament has! :)
7. "Olympic Spirit" Award -
For the most sportsmanlike conduct in the face of bad luck,
stupid moves, idiotic moderator decisions, Lost Players, and
so on. (See also the Chicago Cubs award and the Charge of
the Light Brigade awards.)
This honor goes to King Warren of B05, the silent stoic.
Attacked by both a northern alliance and his Red neighbor,
King Warren kept a stiff upper lip, clung to a tense peace
with Red, and outlasted two of the other combatants, later
handing Red the fateful blow. In a game where eloquence gave
way to vitriol (see "Trial of the Century" in the Diplomatic
Awards), where all fell before the White hordes and not a
friend could be found in the melee, King Warren kept
quiet, stood his ground, and fought the good fight.
We salute him!
8. The "Chicago Cubs" Award: Given to that player who displays
the most grace and sportsmanship in a losing cause.
Perhaps better known in this round as the "Timex" award, and
with shades of the "Masada Defense" award from Round A, this
honor goes to BigMike of B07, who has taken some serious
lickings at the hands of more experienced players during the
first two rounds, yet - like a sturdy watch - continues
ticking on into Round C. In Round B, his moves came in like
clockwork, and no complaints did he make as his armies were
slowly slain and his cities fell beneath the claymation
warriors of Lord Gumby... In the end, as his last city was
about to fall, and the thin flexible Gumby-ites prepared to
play the Fat Lady's role in this operatic ballet of a war,
BigMike razed it himself to aid his ally and keep the city
out of enemy hands, yet nonetheless was graceful and
gracious in defeat:
>And Red is finished by it's own hand. Congrats to Gumby on a
>fine game. I think that a song title best describes the
>situation: "When the Music's Over"
9. Best "Tournament Attitude" Quote:
In B07, Bosquito is hard-pressed by Avenger, razing his own
cities in desperation while giving away as much as he can
to help his ally Lord Gumby come to his aid. Then Avenger
complains to Gumby about the behavior of his ally Bosquito:
>I must say, you have a knack for choosing your allies
>wisely! Your ally goes insane and launches a suicide attack
>on my cities and razes his own cities whenever I approach
>them - hardly a strategy of someone who actually wanted to
>do well!
And Bosquito has a classic reply:
>I *am* doing well, Avenger. I'm having fun.
Hear, Hear!
10. The "Vice President" award:
Dedicated to great examples of "Who Am I, and how did
I get Here?" game openers, we give this honor in Round B
to Lord Elric of B01, who wrote a very entertaining
introduction, which is unfortunately so detailed
and extensive that we can't quote it here. But we hope
you go and have a look for yourself!
11. The "Scoutmaster" Award.
We were going to give this award to whoever wrote the best
explanation for disbanding that useless scout. But we had a
*true* Scoutmaster in Round B. It appears that G'tath'moran
of B21 not only forgot to disband his White scout on Turn 1,
but the poor scout actually lived until Turn 14, when
Isildur finally overran the White capital. At a cost of 25
gold per turn for his expenses, that Scout cost White well
over 300 gold before finally getting killed!
12. "Best Supporting Ally... er, Actor"
We thought there ought to be an award for the best roleplay
and personification of an ally unit. In a round where far
too many ghosts were un-creatively named "Casper", Thor of
B11 wins the prize with his tale of Gary the Best (making
good fun of his moderator):
Gary the Ghost was the Best. He only haunted by the
strictest of ghost standards, as specified by the NAAGP
(National Association for Advancement of Ghost People). For
example, Gary only haunted people during Standard Haunting
Hours (12 midnight until 4 AM) and only officially
sanctioned ghost techniques were used.
Gary's favorite trick was to turn off the electricity,
become invisible, and then blow out all the candles whenever
they were lit. He especially liked to let any glass doors
blow open, just before the candles went out. Good stuff.
When Gary entered City 51 he saw no reason to deviate from
his normal practices and thus decided to use his favorite
candle method to scare away all the inhabitants.
Unfortunately he encountered a particularly determined
neutral Boy Scout named Buster who had just earned a Fire
Building Merit Badge. Every time Gary blew out the candles,
the earnest young scout kept trying again with different
obscure fire building techniques. Candles were lit by
rubbing two sticks together, with sparks from flint, with a
teepee wood pile, a blow torch, -- you name it, he tried it,
and Gary blew it out. After all, Gary's the Best.
Determined to light his @#$%^& candle, Buster poured on a
gallon of gas and relit the saturated wick. The resulting
explosion lit the candle, the curtains, the rug, and
eventually just about everything else in City 51, including
Buster. The town was quickly evacuated and renamed BlackRose
Place. (All the roses were black, as was just about
everything else).
13. "The Winners Write the History Books..."
At least, that's what usually happens. But what happens
when everyone survives and no one can quite agree what
happened? In Round B we give this honor to Iceman, Avenger,
Gandalf and MadMax, who all got together and finished off
their game with an extended commentary on what *really*
happened, including a turn-by-turn summary and numerous side
comments by all concerned! In B08, the winners may have
written the history books, but the losers got their say in
as well! And now they're *all* winners of this little award!
14. "Will the Real Celeborn Please Stand Up?", or,
"The Schizophrenic Society" award.
Celeborn the Wise in B05, after earning a share of Best
Picture and the Silver Tongue award in A10, demonstrated in
his Round B game two of the most distinct personalities in
the tournament. On Turn 3, for example, he spoke with elven
tongue, penning:
"The great amoung these spirits Men have often called Gods,
and amoung them many names are given. The elves who dwelt
in Valinor knew their names in the Elven toungue spoken
there: Seven were the great Valar Lords, and Seven were
the great Valier Ladies. The first of all Kings was Manwe,
dearest to Illuvatar in closest in purpose, unequalled in
might save The Enemy breatheren Melkor.
In Arda, the winds and air are the delight of Manwe,
and in millenium to come the kings of the air,
the Great Eagles, knew themselves as Heralds of Manwe."
Yet, just a few short turns later, he was much less eloquent
in his frustration with The Untouchables (see the "Trial of
the Century Award" in the Diplomat's Pouch), making comments
like: "Don't be so lost in your swelled head" and "Yes,
well, blow it out your a..." er, ear. [ from David with
editing by Bob ]
15. "Never Let 'em See You Sweat" -
After losing a hero in a surprise raid on Turn 5 while he
thought he was negotiating a peace treaty, Temujin of B06
went with a strong, silent defense. He wrote: "To Yellow:
There is nothing more to say, is there?" And henceforth
nothing could shake him as he fended off his fiendish foe
for several turns, while writing short-and-sweet turn
reports with nary a hint of complaint or commentary. Not
even the stunning collapse of his primary stronghold, when
he lost 29 defenders in a single turn (including hero,
demon, ghost, elephant, and archer), was enough to provoke a
verbal response. Temujin, for thy stiff upper lip and
relentless fortitude in the face of bitter defeat, we salute
thee!
16. The "I Knew It Was a Bad Idea, But I Did It Anyway" award:
To Gandalf the White (Red in B08), for supplying the best
explanation for why he did something that turned out to be a
bad idea:
>You should understand that we couldn't accept or our hours
>of strategy would have been unusefuly lost..." (i.e. We
>came up with this idea, and it took a long time to figure
>out. It turned out to be a bad idea, but by then we had
>invested a lot of time in figuring it out so we did it
>anyway).
17. "Viking Bat Helmets" - B11, Turn 6, Thor:
>How can two bats take on 3 wolfriders? It's very simple.
>Several times when the wolves tried to take a bite out of
>our yellow flying fur balls, they ended up on the very nasty
>horns of a Viking Bat Helmet. On the horns of a dilemma, so
>to speak. Remember, always wear your safety hats when
>playing WarLords.
18. The "How are you doing?" "Just fine" award for giving a
reflex answer when the truth is more complex. For this we
honor Henry IV, White in B18:
He begins his turn report with his standard comment:
"nothing happens."
But then, apparently reacting to complaints from his
comrades-in-arms that he was being too quiet, he added, as
an afterthought:
>But others have complained about the brevity of my
>dispatches. In truth, many things happened. My heroine, my
>wife, Lady Anne was slaughtered by a foolish opponent. A
>wiser opponent would have lured her to land and attacked her
>there so the three points of command items could be
>gathered. Instead, they sank to the bottom of the ocean.
>Lament, ye warlords, for the loss of magical items, sunk to
>the depths of the sea, nevermore to be used in anger.
19. The "Rhodes Scholar" Award --
Lord Lucky (B18, Red) supplied an apt quotation at the end
of each turn. One was especially fitting. In an early turn,
before much battling had begun, he managed to destroy an
enemy hero, elemental, devil, griffin, and others, fighting
two enemies and sacking over 1000 gp. He quoted:
> Fortune is not satisfied with inflicting one calamity.
> -- Publius Syrus
...this became even more fitting when he was forced to
replay the move!
20. "Sometimes the Game Says It Best"
We simply quote Lord Callahan from Turn 11 of Game B19:
>When I opened up the save file and ended White's turn, the
>Warlord spoke unto me, saying "Thy sorry efforts have come
>to naught!" How true it is... ;-)
21. "All You Need is Love!" or "Beatlemania"
We found Overlord's theme in B19 to be really funny.
He brought on the Beatles Invasion, with John, Paul,
and Sgt. Pepper all getting into the action. Cities
were named after albums, and there were a number of
really witty comments to spice up the action.
Our only regret was that this band wasn't as
successful as the originals! But here's how they
got their start this time around:
The Beatle invasion has begun! John Lennon steps out of the
door of the soon to be famed city of Abbey Road and heads
off to the ancient ruins behind it. He consults a guru at
each ruin and awakens both times from his trip to find a
powerful friend at his side. He sends the first ally off to
the next city. It is here that this ally becomes engulfed
in beatlemania and he overruns the cities defences. In
tribute to the great British band he renames it Penny Lane.
He then stops for the night at a local opium den he found in
the center of the city as tomorrow is another day.
Mean while, John comes out of his haze and finds a ghost
sitting next to him. After a little discussion, he finds
out that the ghost can fly him around any where he wants to
go. Lennon decides that he will try this, but he must rest
first as he is really tired.
22. "Miss Dusty who wasn't Lusty" / "Beware of the Matador Menu" -
RoadRunner joined his comrades in B19 in having an
interesting theme with some nice moments in it. We can't
quote everything that was interesting, but here are two for
your amusement...
Miss Dusty arrived this day [...] A great feast was held in
her honor. For the good citizens who could not attend the
feast (I being one of them), let me attempt to describe my
partner at arms. Miss Dusty is from the “Top Bronze Guild”,
a professional group of women warriors helping other women
to become fighters and mercenaries. Dusty is a no nonsense
woman. She is slimly built with short cropped hair. Her wiry
frame hides the strength hidden in her body. Her armor fits
tight against her figure but is light weight enough as not
to hinder her agility. I am in love with her, but alas, she
is only interested in warfare.
[...]
Last to report in was the Elemental. City #16 named Matador
Menu, has join with Roadrunner. The summary report stated
that humans should avoid city #16 Matador Menu. Something
about the inhabitants liking humans too much, for humans are
the main course at meals.
23. "Silver Tongue with a Lead Weight"
To Montressor of B20, for his amusing mixture of the lofty
and the down-to-earth:
> Prospero whistled for his Griffin steed. "Fly me to the
> south-east so that we can pick up the generic thingy to
> make me studlier!"
>
> Prospero visits NW Command and takes Command Item A
Then later:
> The Archon grasped Fortunato around the waist. "Lift me,
> beauteous Angel, and fly me to the site of battle!"
>
> "Unngh!", the Archon grunted, "Jeez, I think I ruptured
> myself! What is that, lead armor? You're going to have to
> do your own flying, mon frere!"
>
> Fortunato visits Upper NW Flight and takes Flight Item A
24. The "Russian Connection"/"Russian Way" Award:
B20 was blessed with two players of Russian origin, Falcon
and Sir Uriah. Throughout the game, there was much
consideration of the Russian Connection. At first, the
Russians were at odds. This led to arguments between
Russian Russians (Sir Uriah) and Non-Russian Russians
(Falcon, who was born in Latvia and studying in the U.S.).
The debates culminated in the following exchange, for which
Sir Uriah wins the "Russian Way" award:
Sir Uriah: I see, that the years in the US made Falcon a
real Yankee... ;)
Falcon: I'm only not sure whether you were trying to insult
me, or American nation, or Montressor (better to say, Bob),
who, as far as I know, is the only American in this war.
Are you saying that real Russian way would be razing
Russian cities, as you did (14 Iskorosten'...) ?
25. "Is it bloodlust, or just lust?"
On turn 7 of B13, Legion of Doom hires a heroine, Freja. To
advance the norse cause? To defeat enemies of Oden? To
restore a once-great mythology to its rightful place in the
grander sceme of things? Not really. Mostly because "Oden
and Tor are longing for woman." Later the heroes begin
dating and exchanging command items as tokens of affection.
26. The "Royal Historical Society" award:
To Lord Amaranth, White in the game B16, for his portrayal of the
English peasant revolt in 1347. White's troops were led by the
martyr Wat Tyler and the leader of the revolt John Ball. On
turn 13, all who were curious about the true story behind
the roleplay got an interesting history lesson on the honor
of kings and political ramifications of rodents.
27. The "Where Are They Now?" or "Writers' Block" Awards -
Of the 5 Warlords who won role-playing prizes in Round A,
only 2 (Little Puppy and Dark Lord Pi) produced significant
role-plays in Round B. Like many celebrities before them,
Bosquito, Celeborn, and above all Gor Bonecracker have
instead fallen back into role-playing obscurity. But their
fans still remember them, and hope to see them return to
fame soon, in the Warlords League if not a future Round... :)