**********************************************************************
* Round B Prizes and Awards, Part 2: *
* *
* THE WARLORDS OSCARS - BEST ACTOR AWARD - ROUND B *
* *
* "Honoring the Greatest individual role-play." *
**********************************************************************
Once the Best Picture awards were voted upon, it was time
to vote for Best Actor. Many warlords of great talent and
role-playing skill deserved this award, but only one prize
could be given - for this round, anyway!
While doing the Best Picture awards the Prize Committee
scoured the archives for great individual roleplays
as well as overall game histories. Out of 96 role-plays in
Round B, a surprisingly large 17 players received Best Actor
nominations!
Round B Best Actor nominees:
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In B02, The Wall's white spacefaring race spawned interest,
In B02, The Hillbillies in yellow fought for their way of life,
In B02, The Upper Class debuted in red at their country clubs, and
In B02, Captain Picard's blue Federation fleet found friends too.
In B04, Piglet's white-clad farm animals continued their saga, and
In B04, Magnus led the blue Bacchants in a truly comic spree.
In B05, The Untouchables marched from the slums, for The Way, in white.
In B06, Jareth bar Belford's mystical blue religion won new believers.
In B07, Lord Gumby's blue "Way of the Clay" became a Warlords legend.
In B09, Little Puppy's forces in yellow outdid themselves, and
In B09, Apache's stood firm in red with his own unique tribe.
In B10, Kamevil's "Herculean" effort caught the eye of the Prize Gods.
In B12, Dark Lord Pi wore white while writing another great epic,
In B12, Bottom Burp's yellow heroes continued their crazy carnage,
In B12, Raider's Red Tape bureaucracy delivered political satire, and
In B12, ShirKhan as blue concocted a chilling Apocalypse. Finally,
In B17, Steve the Giant's preeminent poetry won perpetual praise.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The histories of each of these games can be found on the Remailer
Past History screen, or downloaded in compressed form from the
Warlords Web Archives at
http://www.pixgen.com/~rfheeter/w2home/archive/tournament/roundb/
Fortunately for the Prize Committee, we were able to narrow the
list of nominees down before we each read all the tales.
The four players of B02 had already won the coveted Best Picture,
and were therefore not in the running for Best Actor.
Two others had become Prize Gurus and thus disqualified themselves
from consideration. And one more was removed from consideration
for special reasons that are explained further below.
We were left with 10 towering tales. Each member of the Prize
Committee read all 10, and various comments and quotes were bantered
about while votes were contemplated. At last, all minds were made up
and the secret ballots were sent in. Each Prize Committee judge
cast 3 votes - for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place. Nominees received
3 points for a first-place vote, 2 for a second-place vote,
and 1 for a third-place vote.
But before we tell you how the voting turned out, what were
we looking for in the first place?
The minimum criterion was to find a story that followed the
official diplomacy and role-playing guidelines, but beyond
that, each member of the Prize Committee used his own
criteria for ranking his favorites. Some went for "short &
sweet" and favored poetry; others looked for creativity and
wit. Some sought attitude, style, and that elusive
"Tournament Spirit"; others just wanted action and a
coherent plot. Did the role-play have a good opening and a
good conclusion? Did the player "stay in character" and
have a consistent theme and style? Above all, the Prize
Committee wanted to be entertained by what they read - and they were!!!
As it happened, the voting clustered around four valiant efforts.
However, before we talk about those, we need to honor two
Warlords who won prizes in Round A and utterly outdid
themselves in Round B, but were deemed ineligible to take home
additional prizes. The first of our special honors can
only have one name, for it is practically his theme song:
***************************************************************
ALL HAIL LITTLE PUPPY of B09!!!!!!
***************************************************************
All Hail Little Puppy! Although he declined nomination for
Best Actor in Round B, so that he could discuss and vote on
the work of others, his efforts were certainly as
prizeworthy in this round as they were in the previous
round. His skillful diplomacy determined alliances in the
war from the start, his skillful tactics determined the
course of the war, and his skillful role-play set the stage
upon which all four players played -- in their own creative
ways, yet influenced by Little Puppy and reflected back in
Little Puppy's own narrative.
His story did get rather silly in the beginning, especially
with the "poor, poor, sad little ghost, all alone for so
many long years without his mommy" but LUCKILY the ghost of
the poor little pony died in the first battle, and Little
Puppy turned to more dramatic and considerably more
interesting plots.
His first hero is of course Babyseal, also restored from
cryogenic sleep like Little Puppy himself. His second hero
is nameless, but seems to be familiar to Babyseal. And, of
course, to the reader who followed the events of A10. The
nameless heroine assures her:
"Cryogenic sleep confuses the mind, Great Babyseal, and
fills it with mirages and chimeras. Do not think any more
on this, for it will unsettle your concentration."
Little Puppy shows not only his tactical skill but his
literary talent as well in the theft of the NW Devil and the
subsequent death of white's hero, First Disciple:
On the morning of the sixth period, the nameless hero lets
out a howl and heads not south to the temple as had been
planned, but quickly northwest with her griffin friend,
to the ruin of the ancient city known once as NW Devil.
The resident devil -- last in a long line of underworld
creatures which, long ago, flocked to this shimmering city
for relaxation -- is shocked to see yellow leather rather
than the white robes of Lord Vetinari, and flees in terror
from the hero and her band. [Much excellent material
regretfully snipped to keep this review short, alas!] ...
"How could I, the greatest hero of the North, end in such a
random accident, with never a chance to fight?" The Devil,
alone and with all energy drained by the sight before him,
sadly collapses and awaits his own certain death.
On the next turn, he ascends to even greater heights of
tactical skill and literary talent, slaying white's new
arrival, Second Disciple, with an item hand-off. A lesser
role-player may have let the event pass in silence, but
Little Puppy treats us with an explanation:
Suddenly she sees Babyseal, who the nameless hero had
expected would be busy guarding Bad Karma. The heroes hail
each other and Babyseal requests silence.
Babyseal: Nameless One, I have wondered since we first met
on your familiarity. But now I have seen you battle and I
know your name. You fight mightily, but after your
insubordination of the last war, I tell you that I cannot
lead an army of which you are a part.
"": Babyseal, do not so handicap your forces! I am on the
verge of a great victory, and your armies will be dispirited
by such a show of power. Since we last battled together I
have studied your ways of diplomacy and have learned their
wisdom. I beg you to give me a second chance!
Babyseal: I will not reconsider. You are one who cannot be
led; there is no doubt in my mind on that matter. However,
you are correct when you say that Little Puppy needs you in
his forces. I have considered my decision well, and I now
bow as I offer you the Yellow Standard. Lead us well,
Gosling Puff, with might and with wisdom.
This is one mark of an excellent role-play: to take an event
such as this, made possible or necessary by events in the
game, and weave it seamlessly into the story as if it was an
inevitable event in the lives of the characters, instead of
an insignificant part of the war. To let such an
opportunity pass is to let down the readers.
Gosling Puff leads Puppy's army, beginning with the
slaughter of Second Disciple and the capture of the White
Standard, the first victory of many more to come. Aside
from that, she has her favorite minstrel regrown in the
genetics labs just in time to taunt Gem for his vile
treachery against Lord Vetinari. Gem pulls out the
minstrel's last song from A10 and calls Little Puppy a
braggart and a windbag. Gosling Puff and her minstrel
discuss the matter:
GP: Incidentally, minstrel, from Gem's scroll it is also
clear that the song you used to end A10 was the same one
that begun B09. I did not bring you back from the dead to
repeat tunes and display such lack of creativity.
Minstrel: No, no, we both know just why you brought me back
from the dead. In any event, I am certain there was an
error in the memory rebuild. Perhaps Apache's scientists
can explain the problem. It seems, since I was slain in
mid-song, that --
GP: ENOUGH! Gem is right! Get on with the song...
To the Tune of It's a Grand Old Flag:
Oh he's a true windbag, a tremendous windbag,
and forever he yips and he yaps!
He's garrulous, and he'll discuss
Something 'til his listeners collapse!
To call him verbose would not even get close
To the truth -- how his tongue does wag!
Let ev'ry warlord block their ears from The Puppy, the BIG WINDBAG!
It seemed that almost everything that happened inspired Little Puppy's
amusing lyrics or prose, even events on other player's turns. Gem sunk
a yellow navy preparing to meet up with Gosling Puff, consisting of an
elephant, archer, catapult, and two pikemen, mostly blessed, all going
down with only one blue griffin to join them in the deep water. Next
turn, Little Puppy's two long laments contained the following 'gems':
The elephant looked a little green
(With a doo-da, and a doo-da)
Of sailing he was not to keen
(Do-da do-da-ay)
But, man what will we do? It don't look much like we've pinged 'em
Without the beast
We're griffin feast!
O Curse the Crystal Kingdom!
and
The Puff awoke, and rubbed her eyes
This day a town would be her prize.
"I'll join my men at the Web by ten.
Today we slay those we despise!"
A messenger, meek, replied "Ahem...
I think we won't be killing them.
Our navies got a lesson taught
By griffins courtesy of Gem."
The hero went into a rage
And with a bat she flew offstage
"What have I done? The griffins won?!?"
She cursed for the war she couldn't wage.
But unfortunately space does not permit quoting here even a part of
the best and most memorable scene in any game in Round B (at least
to the judge writing this summary), since just that portion of
Little Puppy's legend is longer than this review can be. The event
was Babyseal's response to Gem's unexpected assassination
of Gosling Puff, and her tormented explanation for the event.
That was Little Puppy at his finest, and that is very fine indeed.
We look forward to seeing what Little Puppy has done in Round C!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Even the mighty Little Puppy declared himself to be in awe of
one other... Indeed, we have reserved our highest praise for
*another* Warlord who won great praise in Round A, yet outdid
himself to write a truly literary-quality novel in Round B!
We feared that we would drown his desk with Best Actor prizes
unless we took precautionary measures, so after seeing what
he wrote in Round B, we created an entirely new honor for
he who had already won Best Actor in Round A:
***************************************************************
"WARLORD EMERITUS" - Congratulations to Dark Lord Pi of B12!!!!
***************************************************************
The Master returns! Dark Lord Pi's tale of the search for
the five items of DOOM!, never completed in Round A,
continues in B12. These mysterious items of DOOM! must be
found so The Master can be brought to this world to "save"
humanity. Once again The Master sends a Politician,
this time Lazarus Jones, as the instrument to spread his
gospel. And why?
>Politician Jones smiled and quoted from The Master's most
>spiritual of books, "And words not deeds doth a Politician
>bring, and deeds not words can solve thy most pressing of
>mysteries, and withal courage, but withnot shalleth health
>fail."
This world has a subtly macabre atmosphere with an
unsettling air of danger. Adding to the sense of
strangeness is Dark Lord Pi's deliberate butchery of
Elizabethan English. The lack of clarity introduced by the
use of this rather odd literary technique added a level of
depth to the story by introducing a levity and humor that
wasn't in the plot itself, and reinforced the feeling of
dark psychosis that went with the characters all acting as
marionettes in Politician Lazarus Jones's well-orchestrated,
lunatic-fanatical plot. (For at least who could those
tolerate grammatical the incorrectness. :) )
But fear not for Politician Jones never ceases to remind us
of the Master's "love" for us. But is this the kind of
"love" we really want? Some short excerpts from a few of
the Master's prayers:
>"As The Master grants love, love shall be granted. As love
>is granted, love shall thee find. As love is found, so must
>peace be in death," Lazarus chanted from The Master's book
>on battle prayers which is one of the heftier volumes.
>Then Jones' words took on a demonic pitch, "And as The
>Master's love was love, so too shall his vengence be
>wrought. As truth must struggle so shall struggle the true,
>but it as the right fight that the winners are right!"
>...so with blood and loathing shall peace breathe," Ninja
>Assassin Gareth finished the common chant first enscribed in
>the second of The Master's Holy Trilogy books (each a
>bestseller).
Politician Jones is the Herald of The Master, but the first
heroine recruited is the mercenary Krys Oline. She served
only for gold, but in the end it was she who paid the price.
She is joined by her former mentor, the ghost of Dragon
Knight Philip who was slain while searching unsuccessfully
for the items of DOOM! in Round A. He knows the trials she
will have to endure:
>Krys reached the dark cave known by the inhabitants as Cave
>Fear, her long sword wavered in her right hand. It
>magically lit up the air surrounding it. The air stank of
>burnt flesh. A flash of lightning from outside showed the
>remains of a dead knight, still dressed in full plate-mail
>armour.
>
>Krys dropped to the ground at the bones, crying. She jumped
>as a hand touched her shoulder. Turning, she saw the Ghost
>of the man that lay before her. "Dragon Knight Philip?" she
>coughed, amazed.
>
>"Yes my favorite pupil. I have decided to protect you in
>your journey. As old as I was I could not in life, and so I
>have released my spirit to guard you."
>
>Tears, rare for Krys, trickled down her cheeks. "They've
>made me a Leftenant to lead their forces should the need
>arise, but I do not trust them."
>
>"Do not fear. I shall protect you as long as I am able,
>Krys." Krys gulped as more thunder and lightning began
>outside, bringing with it the downpour of rain.
>
>"Have thoust ever come to know of the items of DOOM!?"
>
>Dragon Knight Philip froze completely still, or at least as
>still as a ghost can freeze. His eyes were ablaze with
>fear, even in death. "Did...", he mumbled, having to repeat
>each word, "t-thou s-say t-the items of D-DOOM!?"
>
>Krys' eyes widened also. "Yes."
>
>"Never have such words been to me whispered of them," Philip
>shrugged and turned away.
>
>Krys stared, mouth agape, as Philip started to walk down a
>path that led south-east. He stopped, "Follow, my child."
>
>Krys sighed and followed her old, now dead, teacher.
The consummate politician, Jones of course negotiates with
all sides before the fighting begins. However, all of the
messengers he sends to Bottom Burp are killed by the
homicidal Yellow heroes. Not surprisingly, these two begin
fighting soon after. In the fighting one of the very minor
characters suffers a family loss. It is an excellent
example of how Dark Lord Pi weaves small, insignificant yet
recurring characters into his plot in meaningful yet brief
ways that help to make his world so complete. Iline
Montgomert speaks to Jones:
>"In a town to the east, the name forgotten by thine
>o'erheated mind, lies a body of the brother that I loved the
>most. He was to have been a messenger to the hero Bill.
>Instead his death doth consume him."
>
>Jones stood, his grief in trembles not words for many
>the moment. "What doth the people know thou as?"
>
>"Iline Montgomert. My brother was..."
>
>"Norris Montgomert, the missing, third messenger. Do not
>worry, for blood has been spilt for him and so will more."
>
>"I do not worry but for The Master's love."
>
>Jones smiled a weighted smile. He sent the boy off, as
>dangerous as it was, to ask the Dread Pirate Roberts
>questions twain.
Politician Jones does, however, negotiate peace with both
Raider and ShirKhan. But his treaty with ShirKhan is so
convoluted that even Dark Lord Pi -- who drafted it --
cannot fully understand it, nor the convoluted answers it
required from ShirKhan. Later, when Dark Lord Pi eliminates
Bottom Burp, he expects ShirKhan to be his friend while
ShirKhan expects the opposite. To this day nobody is really
sure just what they agreed to, but the resulting warfare was
clear enough to all. The treaty included two bizarre
provisions:
>1. The Scientific and Engineering Organization, or something
>to that power, doth thou represent. Doth peace, courage,
>and a love of arimithmatic, rhyme, and reason motivate
>strongly in thy hearts?
[...]
>3. The Master praises intellect, doth knoweth of the sacred
>Pi and all that it doth represent? If so count thine most
>important eight phrases as proof of love.
In the conflict with Bottom Burp, Dark Lord Pi's forces are
unstoppable, and he conquers half the world and the Yellow
kingdom by Turn 11, seizing an item of DOOM! as well.
However, it is not without cost. The valiant ghost, Dragon
Knight Philip, is slain taking the last Yellow city. At his
passing, Dragon Knight Philip reveals some secrets and is
reborn (Politician Jones having completed a quest in the
battle):
>Krys slowly rubbed her eyes, but then jumped up. She
>turned, noticing Charlie standing protectively over her, and
>then at the twitching form of her mentor, Dragon Knight
>Philip.
>
>"Oh, dear spirits," she gasped, her hands trying to veinly
>hold the deceased form of her mentor.
>
>"I can protect thee... no longer..." he breathed. His eyes
>twitched in ghostly pain. "Charlie, it is upon thee and
>thoust's strong brother to watch against her harm." Philip
>coughed, but suddenly froze, his eyes above Krys' shoulder.
>
>Her eyes widened and her hands trembled. "Philip?" His
>twitching resumed, to a breathy sigh. She turned to notice
>the presence of Politcian Jones standing over her.
>
>"This is the doing of thee," she cried.
>
>"Naught thine blame to bear. Do not think the grief is
>thoust's alone, dear Leftenant," he spoke, voice firm and
>callous.
>
>"Do not speak harshly upon her fair hair... son," Philip
>said, slmost afraid of his dying voice.
>
>"Dragon Knight Philip has thoustly fathered?"
>
>Lazarus paused to speak, and breathed twice before he did.
>"Borne and trained twice have he. Loved and praised have I.
> In such shall he be honoured. Yet upon years have we not
>shown love."
>
>Krys turned, stunned, to her favorite mentor. Philip
>nodded, slightly. "Thoust's loved priests art naught loved
>by thine's heart."
>
>Two robed monks stepped forward, as Philip spoke of them.
>The more wizened one was armed with book and prayer.
>
>"They art here for rites, as promised in trade for was
>against the Scout kind. Although living priests they may
>be, they love not The Master, but live in prayer in the
>Western Temple."
>
>"Doth thee wish The Service?"
>
>Lazarus hesitated, and in it Krys smelled fear. "To honour
>thee, father."
>
>Dragon Knight Philip agreed, solemnly, but with much
>coughing. The priests carried, with prayer, his dying form
>to the blood-soaked center of town. Then they began their
>runes and wrought.
>
>Krys looked at Lazarus Jones with a sour face. He smiled
>with a deep frown. "Do not worry, trusted mercenary, they
>will uphold their bargain in thine's way. Dragon Knight
>Philip will die at dawn," Krys gasped at Lazarus' words,
>"and be reborne as Philip, the Dragon."
After Dark Lord Pi conquers Yellow, both Raider and
ShirKhan combine to fight against The Master. From that
point the war goes badly for Dark Lord Pi, as his territory
falls from 50% to 25% at the end. But this matters little
to his story, for after a year and a half of desperate
searching, the five items of DOOM! have been found (mostly
on the bodies of dead enemy heroes). Now The Master can be
summoned and brought into the world! But we're not going to
spoil the surprise. You have to read about this part on your own. :)
In the end it is Dark Lord Pi himself who best sums up his tale:
>A sad story of trust and deception hath befallen the brave
>souls: Dragon/Dragon Knight Philip, Leftenant Krys Oline,
>her Devils Charlie and Chucky, the Demon of Trees, San
>Mikael/Mr. Archon, Ninja Assassin Gareth, the pikeman Gunner
>Charev, the nosy messenger Iline Montgomert, ill-fated
>Corporal Nicol Wart, Politician Lazarus Jones, and all of
>the little spider messengers that helped make it all
>possible. On this world The Master doth appeareth, but this
>is one of many worlds of which a Politician has been sent to
>spread his word. One of the many worlds of which I must
>write.
>
> -The Master's Chronicle,
> Dark Lord Pi
---------------------------------------------------------------
Now as we mentioned, the official Best Actor voting clustered
around 4 tales. Two of those tales tied for third place,
receiving 5 points each in the balloting.
In no particular order, let us introduce you to...
***************************************************************
Lord Gumby of B07!!!
***************************************************************
Lord Gumby had those two qualities that makes a prize
committee simply glow with joy: a legendary wit and a habit
of saying his piece quickly! His was an all-around amusing,
light-hearted roleplay. The theme? "If you have a heart,
then Gumby's part of you."
During the game, Gumby and Pokey essentially skipped around
the world converting people to "The Way Of The Clay". Even
when crushing opposing resistance or burning cities to the
ground, the Gumbyite blockheads were always cheerful and
good natured, which made a very amusing picture to behold!
Most of the cities got names of clay sorts of things, like
kiln and pottery and the like. At one point, after changing
his theme, he ends up regretting it:
City 007, tragically, is burnt to the ground during an
overly zealous celebration involving a kiln and a little too
much green food dye in honor of the Lord Gumby. "Perhaps it
was in the naming," thinks his Gumbiness. "No more
frivolity."
A little later, Gumby's trusty sidekick battles enemy forces:
Pokey and friends attack Red's city 64. While there is
minimum of bloodshed, Pokey still takes a moment to reflect
on how much easier things were when being orange was all
that mattered.
And so the game continues, with Gumby romping around,
destroying enemies with his pointy head, or sending his
friends (such as elemental blockhead, or ghost blockhead, or
demon blockhead, or...) to do the same, and never losing
sight of the fact that if you have a heart, then Gumby's
part of you. Of course, there is some learning to do:
The recently converted and exceptionally zealous devil
blockhead races north to 57, where he hacks apart the
locals, taking the city for Lord Gumby. "Excellent first
try, Devil blockhead," praises Lord Gumby. "Perhaps next
time, you should leave some citizens, so that they, too, can
spread the word of Gumby."
But all good things must come to an end, and finally Lord
Gumby is slain by the yellow enemies. Referring to an error
on the penultimate move, Lord Gumby imagines that we might
sympathize with his less than complete attention to detail:
The Lord Gumby grows sloppy in his death.
Sloppy, perhaps, but never less than hilarious! And although his
war is over, if you have a heart, then Gumby's now a part of you!
---------------------------------------------------------------
We all know just how much work it was to revert and get those
extra heroes in Round B. Before we go on with the rest of
the prizes, we wish to thank Gumby (and blame the Tournament
Rules) for what some of us considered the "Quote of the Round",
from Turn 2 of his game B07:
>The Lord Gumby's eyes and mouse finger grow weary after
>an hour of the horrid reverting, and he develops the
>dreaded reversion aversion.
Tying Lord Gumby for third place with 5 points was
a Warlord with an equally good -- but entirely different --
sort of story. Few were unmoved by this Warlord's
talent for description and character, and so we honor...
***************************************************************
Apache of B09!!!
***************************************************************
Looking solely at a summary of the events of the game B09,
with emphasis on the role of Red's forces, you might think
that Red's portion of the story would be exceedingly dull:
Red expanded quickly to 10 cities, then sat in a stalemate
with Blue for the rest of the game without gaining or losing
much of note, and ended the game with 10 cities.
But what Apache did with those few events that happened, and
even with events that never happened, made his narrative
entertaining, earning him a tie for 3rd place Best Actor,
and aiding game B09 to what was almost a three-way tie for
Best Picture. Some players wrote excellent role-plays when
they were winning (see B12), and others when they were
losing (see B02), but in B09 here's an example of an
excellent role-play by a player who had neither victory nor
defeat to write about.
Lacking much real plot to work with, Apache instead created
a character, described his actions between battles, and
wrote up his thoughts and all diplomacy from the viewpoint
of that character, from the beginning all the way through to
the end. He did skip a few turns in the beginning, and
sometimes grew too verbose with the diplomacy, obscuring the
more enjoyable parts of his role, costing him points with
some of the judges, but overall his effort was outstanding.
His story, consistent with Little Puppy's lead, is set in a
high-tech but not-too-distant future. Apache, named for the
tribe he is descended from, quits his job and takes up arms,
pledging:
"This Godless world will soon respect Mother Earth again and
will realize that it exists not from terraforming, but as a
result of the Great Spirit!"
Faithfully and skillfully creating a blend of modern
technology and ancient ideals, from the first turn to the
last, Apache pursues his mission:
He walked over to his desk and ran his fingers over the
keyboard, pulling up the status reports:
Red Echo had unleashed the Ghost of Crazy Horse upon the
lands and now the Ghost had made its way to Minnesota 37.
Echo had also conjured assistance from the Earth Mother
herself, through the form of an Elemental which was ravaging
this Godless country like a whirlwind. ... Lastly, one of
the fiercest American Indian chiefs in history emerged from
the genetics lab in Powder River 32. Red Cloud familiarized
himself with his surroundings, then drawing on his powerful
medicine, called upon the spirit of a Devil to assist him on
his mission.
Apache closed the report and sat back in his chair wondering
how the medicine came so easily to the Heroes. Maybe
renaming the cities after historic battles and massacres
enhanced their spiritual powers, or at the very least,
inspired them to act beyond their natural limits.
The tale of Apache unfolded in that manner as he expanded
his territory. Even when he found himself between an ally to
the north and impenetrable masses of Blue armies to the
west, and thus unable to make any progress in his quest,
Apache had no trouble staying in character ...
Apache had silently disappeared two days earlier and it was
rumored that he had wandered into the hills on a vision
quest. Apache's gaunt body and hollow face confirmed the
news ..... and the spark in his eyes coupled with a slight
smile told of his success.
while relating it all to the game seamlessly ...
As the month of the Windy Moon draws to a close, a great power
assembles to our west while speaking of peace.
We must also give thanks to our powerful enemies when they
move against us.....since we all have the Creator as our
common origin.... We will see the breath of our Creator
through them...
the Elemental called forth the spirit of fire and the maze
of webs erupted in flame. It paused to sing the souls of
the fallen brethren to the stars, then renamed the city.
It was that consistently fantastic yet 'realistic' and
harmonious blend of the ultra-modern, timelessly ancient,
and Warlords that earned Apache the honor of his ancestors
and respect from the Round B judges.
---------------------------------------------------------------
And now we come to second place, where we find ourselves
somewhat sadly saying a fond farewell to one of the most
entertaining Warlords of the Tournament. This player was forced
to take a vacation from Round C due to an upcoming shortage
of Internet access, but we desperately hope that we can enjoy
hearing about his antics in the World Warlords II League soon!
With 7 points in the voting, we have once again given our
second-place Best Actor honors to...
***************************************************************
Bottom Burp of B12!!!!!
***************************************************************
Once again Bottom Burp (Yellow) has written an incredible
roleplay, this time in the game B12. In Round A, he wrote
the 2nd Place Best Actor as well with his story of Frank,
Elvis Pelvis, and Beefcake. That was a wild story of three
hopelessly doomed homicidal maniacs. They are now dead, but
they have been replaced by three equally-demented heroes,
Bill, Harry, and Lucy, who follow faithfully in their
footsteps even to their own quick and hasty doom.
Bottom Burp's roleplay is very focused and much shorter than
most, yet its self-deprecating humor and a sharp wit make
it highly effective. It is refreshing to read a roleplay
where everything written is either necessary for gameplay or
is entertaining. Bottom Burp is also noted for his use of
gratuitous violence. Everyone else says "I sacked the
city," but Bottom Burp actually says what happens when the
hero shows up to take the city. In his hands, however, the
violence turns into a farce. It is not offensive or crude
and is always couched in humor. Most interestingly he makes
fun of the entire tournament by making a mockery of the
violence that is taken for granted in this game.
Bottom Burp's main hero is the paranoid lunatic, Bill:
>In the feisty town of 02, a pair of lovers watch as their
>son swings his sword in the front yard. The son yells, jumps
>in the air and at a speed inaccessible to the human eye,
>slices the head off an old lady who is walking by. "Oh
>dear," his mother says, a grave look on her face.
>
>Yet although Bill is a raving maniac, he has grown up strong
>and powerful, with the intelligence to fight battles,
>despite often believing he is fighting a race of jelly
>creatures.
A look at Bill's diary shows just how hopeless everything is for Bill:
>A lone traveller stumbles across a backpack, lying
>apparently abandoned in the middle of the road. Curious, he
>picks it up. Inside is a diary. He begins to skim, and
>quickly becomes engrossed. The name is Bill, whoever that
>is. The one thing he knows about Bill, however, is that he
>is clearly mad:
>
>Dear Diary, I'm becoming more and more impatient with my
>followers. I have been told to be a hero, yet how can I be a
>hero to them when the voices in my head tell me I am
>useless? The ghost tries to cheer me up, but he is
>completely transparent. And the dwarf seems to have stopped
>talking to me since I convinced the others to call him
>"Shorty" from now on.
>
>The elemental, meanwhile, seems intent on existing on a
>higher level than us. This, despite the fact that his
>clothes make him look like he was a beggar in a past life.
>
>Meanwhile, my life is made more difficult by talk of the
>items of DOOM. I have one in my possession, and I am told
>there are others. Shorty says I should give them up, but I
>disagree. In fact, for the first time in months, the world
>is beginning to make sense to me with this object. It is
>making things clearer to me. At least, it was until today.
>
>I was just walking through a ruin, minding my own business,
>when I came across a strange item. Next thing I knew I was
>flying through the air. Although I used to think I could
>fly, it usually ended with me lying broken on the earth
>outside my front door. Yet suddenly, I was soaring through
>the air. And not just me, but Shorty, and the ghost and the
>elemental.
>
>I have therefore come to the conclusion that the world is
>reversing itself, until eventually it will fold inside out.
>At that point, the horizon will go in the opposite
>direction, and the earth will be completely enclosed. I
>believe this will be to my strategic advantage, since I will
>be able to see my opponents on the other side of the world,
>because they will be directly above me...
>
>That is all for now. I am flying off to conquer more cities.
>
>The traveller stares at the diary. Suddenly his head
>separates from his shoulders, and travels a substantial
>distance before coming to rest. Bill flies down, picks up
>the backpack, says, "I'll have that, thanks." He then flies
>off, mumbling to himself all the way.
Bottom Burp's second hero is Harry. He sets about
conquering many cities in a brutal Bottom Burp fashion. As a
result of Harry's killing spree, a third heroine joins the
fight, Lucy. She is dedicated to revenge against Harry:
>Torture Town is quiet. Harry has long since left, and life
>is finally returning to normal. Harry's violence has had an
>extended effect on the town. One man is in a state of
>constant fear, while another man simply cannot stop crying.
>However, one woman has never shed a tear. She watched her
>children butchered in front of her, yet never once did a
>twinge of emotion appear on her face. Her name was Lucy.
>
>From that day, left with no family and no friends, she has
>devoted her days to training. She trained with the sword,
>and in the arts of psychic communication, and excelled at
>both. This day, she can no longer stand to remain in Torture
>Town, and she heads out of the gates to seek some sort of
>release for the anger stored inside of her. She needs to
>feel her sword slicing flesh. She needs to watch blood flow
>as it did in Torture Town on that fateful day. But most of
>all, she needs to find Harry.
Alas, Lucy is killed by Dark Lord Pi before she can take her
revenge on Harry. The pathos of her wasted life is palpable
to all. And for just a minute, Bottom Burp goes deeper than
his usual humor.
Lucy's death begins the total collapse of Bottom Burp's
kingdom. Bill is quickly killed by the hand of Dark Lord Pi
who takes the item of DOOM that Bill had refused to give up.
However, Dark Lord Pi discovers that Bill's brain is
encased in purple jelly. It turns out that Bill wasn't
crazy after all!!!
So Harry is left alone to prepare for the end, which comes
just as quickly. In his typical fashion, Bottom Burp
eulogizes his three heroes who once more died unnecessarily,
and well before their time:
>And so the Yellow diaries of battle will conclude fittingly,
>with the tombstone inscriptions of the Yellow heroes who
>died in battle.
>
>Lucy:
> This fine woman watched her town,
> Be attacked, destroyed, almost burned down,
> She saw her children's fear and pain,
> But never did her spirit wain.
> She sought revenge, she trained for weeks,
> She dieted on fruit and leeks.
> Eventually, Lucy was ready,
> Her body strong, her fighting steady.
> She stepped outside and went to fight,
> But then was killed before that night.
>
>Harry:
> Harry trekked across the land,
> Killing people with just his hand.
> His fighting skills were feared throughout,
> They trembled at his warring shout.
> He conquered towns and killed those in it,
> Taking often just a minute.
> Finally, the man was beaten,
> And by vultures he was eaten.
> And now, although his head was severed,
> Harry's soul will live forever.
>
>Bill:
> Bill was crazy as a lark,
> And yet his sword would find its mark.
> Insanity had been his curse,
> And yet his fighting filled his purse.
> Bill was as mad as any hatter,
> Yet enemies blood this man would splatter.
> And though he was a total loon,
> He did discover items of DOOM.
> Though Bill had problems in his head,
> He will be mourned, now that he's dead.
It is a fitting way to end the glory that was Bottom Burp,
who is not continuing to Round C. He may not have fought
well, but with his spirit... what a fight it was!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Bottom Burp was surpassed only by one other in Round B.
The Round B Best Actor's powerful and clear prose was sometimes
overshadowed by the creativity and wit of his competitors,
but none wrote a more compelling story. Where some Warlords
left the Prize Committee rolling on the floor laughing,
this Warlord took a different direction, and gave us goosebumps.
With 10 points in the voting he was the clear favorite
of the judges, and so...
... when all was said and done ...
... and the votes were counted ...
... the Best Actor honor for Round B was officially awarded to ...
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ShirKhan of B12!!!!!!!!!!!
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ShirKhan's story started out with a really interesting
premise - that the overpopulation the land required a
'culling' of the humans living there. The storytelling
stayed consistent throughout the game - there were very
rarely any extremely long portions of the story, and his
messages were consistently well-written, concise,
easy to follow, and very interesting reading throughout.
The Science and Engineering Organization (SEO) who had hired
ShirKhan were shocked at such the drastic solution of
'culling', as illustrated in the following exchange:
The Biology Representative finally overcame his reluctance
to disagree with the imposing speaker. "But the people will
not go for it. They are accustomed to an ever-improving
standard of living --"
"And are thereby destroying it," ShirKhan said quickly with
a dismissive wave of his hand. "You should know that nature
does not operate without limits. What happens when you run
out of resources, or more realistically, room to live? In
the absence of a natural restriction on human life -- a
situation which science has created -- artificial means must
be used. It is no different than with any other animal
population."
The Astronautics representative -- who was in charge of
"Scout"ing out other possible planets to live on -- immediately
protested against ShirKhan, and was summarily dispatched.
Without further opposition, ShirKhan brought in his first
Horseman of the Apocalypse, Famine, to begin starving the people
so they would be easier to goad into war, thus reducing
the population.
ShirKhan began taking control of mineral deposits and
natural resources such as cerium, niobium, dysprosium, gold,
and methane. (Though he was too subtle to point it out
himself, we have determined that each of his cities was
very cleverly named after the corresponding element in
the Periodic Table, and this brought the natural resources
of the world into his roleplay.)
Famine's cohort Pestilence arrived and provided a strong
presence on the battlefield, until he was struck down
in the air by a pair of Griffins. ShirKhan asked
himself, did Pestilence martyr himself to create a state
of war so the next of the horsemen of the Apocalypse, War,
could be summoned?
Soon genetic engineering was creating hideous demons,
devils, and giant worms in secret labs across the land,
and ShirKhan began to question the goals he had originally set:
"ShirKhan's eyes began to blur as he read yet another
strategic proposal. What did it all mean? He understood the
tactics of battle, but presently the goal of battle was in
question. Was destruction in the plan he had originally
outlined? Wasn't the purpose of the cull to provide more
livable area for the remaining inhabitants? Or was the
process cyclical -- destroy some of the people, only to see
them regrow their numbers in the same undamaged dwellings
that led to their original overpopulation?"
ShirKhan then looked to the past for enlightenment on the
conflict with the Red armies. A historian brought him
archives of past conflicts of one of his ancestors where a
grudge against one enemy had proved unprofitable, and a
third Warlord had taken advantage of their stuggles and
conquered other cities uncontested. The lesson was clear -
go to where you would be the most useful, in this case
against the White armies in the north.
In a bloodbath appropriate to the Hero's name, War fell
-- along with more than 50 other armies -- in defense of a city.
The culling program was even more effective than he had
originally thought it would be, and ShirKhan began to wonder
where the violence he had unleashed would eventually lead.
ShirKhan considered the news of the fires raging at WHO.
Those mountain cities were inordinately difficult to
preserve! The destruction of another once-rich city
certainly fit the plan -- and this city was not an SEO one.
Yet ShirKhan was troubled for some reason. Would science and
knowledge itself fall victim to violence? True, the world
was logical by its nature, at least without the interference
of man. However, if chaos bred thought (as the proverb
went), but there was no man alive to think, then what would
be bred by the chaos that ShirKhan had helped to initiate?
Reports came in from all over the land of battles as the end
drew near. The population had been dramatically decreased
in the war, and were rapidly growing tired of the fight, and
ShirKhan found himself troubled by strange visions of Death.
What could it mean?
ShirKhan wrestled with the image in his mind. Often this
same scene had come to him in a vision, and each time he was
unable to control or alter it...
It began as always, with a dark sky opening to reveal a
shadowy rider upon a beast which was entirely black, except
for its burning red eyes. The rider itself had a cloak drawn
over its head, and further details were hard to determine.
The mounted figure rode down a shallow channel through which
blood flowed. On one side of the channel, a mighty army clad
in white formed a long line. A fierce group of red warriors
lined the other side. Wispy yellow apparitions hovered just
above the blood-filled channel. As the rider moved on, a
large blue army became visible, apparently guarding the
mouth of the channel. None of the armies made any movement
to impede the progress of the rider.
On a hill beyond the blue army, sat an impressive but empty
throne. Slightly below and in front of it, three lesser
thrones sat side-by-side. Two of these were also vacant, but
the other was occupied by Famine. The cloaked figure urged
his steed to leap out of the channel and over the blue
soldiers. The beast cleared not only these troops, but also
the lesser thrones and landed directly upon the high throne
-- which promptly crumbled and turned to dust.
The rider turned and lowered the cloak from its head to
reveal a smoking skull. ShirKhan recognized the rider as
Death, and although he could not see himself in the vision,
he was aware that Death was able to see him, for Death's
gaze was squarely fixed on him. Death unsheathed a
dully-glowing blue sword and pointed it at ShirKhan...
And then the vision was gone again. Nothing further ever
happened, but ShirKhan feared that Death had come for him.
He knew Death was not something he could control and use in
the SEO cause. Perhaps it was possible to delay Death, but
who could know?
The final battle, an attack on Point Mercy 61, resulted in
the loss of 35 of ShirKhan's armies against the White Hero
Oline and her fearsome defenses. After the vividly narrated
final battle was over, ShirKhan gained understanding of
his vision:
ShirKhan felt a sudden understanding sweep over him. The
blue sword which Death had wielded in the vision -- it
signified that ShirKhan had gained control of death. It was
as clear to him now as it had been unclear before. But
control of death? What would he do with such control?
He looked at the report of the battle at Point Mercy. Jones
was defeated on the field, so his slanderous remarks were
inconsequential. The blood that now filled the waters around
Point Mercy -- was it the blood in the channels of his
vision?
He reviewed the recent communications from The Red Tape. Was
there to be an end to their illogical bureaucracy? Had he
achieved his goal of reducing the population and installing
reason as the guide to man's future? The yellow insanity had
been almost forgotten, the red officiousness was being
reformed, and the nonsensical rantings of the white
followers had been silenced. And the population had
certainly been decreased.
ShirKhan decided that the best way to control Death was not
to invoke it further.
He sent word to Famine to cease hostilities...
And when hostilities in B12 were ceased, ShirKhan had
earned the right to be declared Best Actor of Round B!
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Congratulations again to ShirKhan, Best Actor of Round B!!!
You will be contacted shortly so that we can work out which
specific prize you will receive from SSG, and make arrangements
for having it sent to you!
(For the vast majority who didn't win Best Actor or Best
Picture in Round A or B, you may still have a chance - there
will be awards for Round C! And of course the Top 16 after
Round C will also be receiving prizes, plus the coveted trip
to the Round E semifinals...)
Before you all go back to your wars, however, we hope you
take some time to look over the huge collection of
highlights from Round B that we gathered up while doing the
prizes. Round B was, if anything, about twice as
interesting as Round A! With a larger and more complex
scenario and a dedicated corps of veteran players, the Round
was full of worthy exploits! Some of the best stories and
statistics are described in the Warlords Pulitzers, the
Scroll of Honors, and so on. We are also building our very
own Hall of Fame, next door to the Tomb of the Fallen
Warlords where we honor those who are no longer with us.
And all of these will be waiting in your mailbox
momentarily... :)
-- The Tournament Round B Prize Committee
(Ivan Baird, Keiran Downie, David Hauri, Bob Heeter,
Dirk Pellett, Alex Vickers, and Matthew Wellens)