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* Round B Prizes and Awards, Part 1: *
* *
* THE WARLORDS OSCARS - BEST PICTURE AWARD - ROUND B *
* *
* "Honoring the Greatest overall group role-plays." *
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Warlords and Gentlemen!
While the wars of Round C have been raging, a small contingent
of Warlords has, occasionally, taken a break from their ongoing
struggles there, to study the history scrolls of Round B.
Many a battle has been fought with the pen rather than the sword,
as we endeavored to select the prize-winners for the second round
of the Tournament. In many ways Round B exceeded even the
most glorious moments of Round A! We cannot share with you
every interesting story and battle from Round B, but we have
labored on for as long as we dared to bring you the best that
we found.
As with Round A, at least one member of the committee read
each Round B game history in its entirety.
As we mined out this vast mountain of roleplaying and
adventure, we selected the greatest gems of wit, wisdom,
and achievement, and we identified the veins of ore that
were the best games of the round for role-playing.
And then, after taking a brief break for the holidays, we
chose the winners and assembled the crowns and rings with
which we now honor them!
The first order of business was to decide which game would
receive the first and greatest of the Tournament Prizes:
The Best Picture Award!
What did we seek? Each of us had his own ideas, of course,
but there were some common themes. We wanted a game that
had a meaty story, but not one so long that it became
tedious to read. We also looked for good interaction between the
players, where everyone borrowed ideas from everyone else,
and then contributed in turn to everyone else's story,
thereby weaving together a whole story that was more
than the sum of the four parts. Many games got off to a good
start in this regard, but many fell down on the road to
completion, so that not so many ended as interestingly as
they began. And no game could be said to be perfect - an
editor's hand would be needed for that. But many games were
really good!
We wanted a game where all the players were "into" the role-playing,
or at least contributing a bit. We sought games where the players
stayed in character for their diplomacy, as well as the narrative
part of their turn reports. A sense of humor, a spirit of
adventure, and the occasional poignant moment were all things
we looked for. Did the players simply recount what happened,
or did they also "develop interesting and creative fictional
personas and worlds"? Were there missed opportunities?
Did they matter?
Finally, there was the question of spirit. Some on the Prize
Committee felt that the game that was chosen for Best Picture
should stand out above all others as an example of
"What the Tournament Is All About." More than that,
we sought games that also had a creative spark.
Something more than just being in character, roleplaying events,
roleplaying diplomacy, and interacting well with the stories of the
other players. A "great" history should have sparks flying
all over the place from many players, giving it the sort of
excitement and freshness that makes you want to know what the
*next* guy is going to say...
What did we find? Would any game be good enough to meet
everyone's desire for a great Warlords role-play?
We had no idea, but we read them all, and in the end,
as one reader commented, "I think the roleplaying is a lot
better this round than last. Not surprising really as from my
own experience I hadn't written a creative fiction story since
elementary school. It took me a full two rounds before I
really got into it. I suspect the same for a lot of other
people and thus the great improvement overall." And sure enough,
in Round B, several previously-obscure authors came up with
captivating role-plays, while many of those who stood out in
Round A outdid themselves in Round B!
In the end, four games of Round B were nominated for Best Picture.
They were B02, B04, B09, and B12, in numerical order.
(Other games were no doubt worthy of mention as well, but these
were the ones that most caught the eye of their official readers...)
Each member of the Prize Committee who was not involved in any
of the nominated games then read all four games.
After a period of discussion about the merits and liabilities of
different games and the judging criteria, secret ballots
were sent to Ivan Baird, who tabulated the votes.
Each member of the Prize Committee gave a 1st-place vote
(worth 3 points), a 2nd-place vote (worth 2 points),
and a 3rd place vote (1 point). Whichever game earned the
most points would be declared the winner. But as one voter
made clear, although the point totals would vary from game
to game, "all four games were clearly worthy of the nomination
and deserved to win a prize"! So although we cannot have SSG send
prizes to everyone, we will honor all four as best we can here!
Taking fourth place, with two points in the voting -- points which
do not fully reflect this game's warm place in the hearts of the
Prize Committee -- was B04...
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B04 is best described as a "diplomacy" game with the
roleplaying done in player conversations with each other.
There is a distinct flavor to their diplomacy which makes it
very enjoyable. The combatants:
Player 1 (White) : Piglet
Piglet continues his storyline of Round A with his three
porcine heroes and their "Tales of the Farm." His goal was
to create a Farm where animals can live in peace with the
world and humanity. But that is not always possible with
human warlords, and when Farm Animals are attacked they
don't like it! Piglet's three heroes were Piglet himself,
Wild Boar, and Razorback. As Piglet put it to start:
>The Continuing Adventure of Piglet..."
>Piglet dozed off in the mud one day and found himself awoke in a strange
>land! All he remembered is a strange dream where a voice told him: "If
>you build it, they will come..." The he nodded off to sleep. In his dream,
>he saw Mother Sow! Mother Sow said to him "You are on your own again,
>Piglet, but remember the following:
>
>- We are peaceful animals so try not to go pick a fight.
>- Don't take someone else's land unless they pick on you.
>- And if they pick on you, let them know farm animals are no cowards!
>
>And if you behave yourself, you can play with your friend Wild Boar
>tomorrow!"
>It was a good dream indeed!
Player 2 (Yellow) : Small Player
Congratulations to Small Player on his 10th Birthday
celebrated during this game! The diplomacy of this game was
extremely convoluted and Small Player understandably did not
get involved in it. His Pegasi gambit though briefly
successful didn't work out, and he was eliminated early, but
he was a good sport playing his game out to the final end.
His heroes have perhaps the most amusing names in the
tournament. They were all part of the Me family: me, me too,
and Mrs. me.
Player 3 (Red) : Duncan MacCleod
Duncan MacCleod is the leader of a traditional Scottish
Highland clan. His Highlanders are consumed by honor
insisting on always honoring treaties and their word. Indeed
they keep their word scrupulously, yet they commit the great
"crime" of this war... The next great part of the story
is how Duncan is brought to justice... His heroes were
Duncan MacCleod himself, Methos, and Raven. He introduced
himself thus:
>...Upon hearing of his father's death, Duncan MacLeod returned to Glenfinan
>near the shores of Luscion to learn more. Rumours abounded as to whether the
>great warlord's death was from natural causes or whether it had more sinister
>origins. His demise could hardly have come at a worse time with enemy
>troops already onthe march. While the story which was told publicly was
>that of a heart attack, thetruth, known only to a few, is that one's
>heart often has difficulty beating with an axe in it.
>
>Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod reclaimed his father's sword and swore
>an oath that day. "The death of my father shall be avenged. Whichever
>of our enemies is proven responsible for this dastardly deed will pay a
>heavy price. No mercy will be shown."
Player 4 (Blue) : Magnus
Magnus was the leader of a band of dissolute crazy people
called the Bacchants. No sin was to great for these
Bacchants especially sins of the flesh and crimes of
morality. The Bacchants are creative unruly drunkards but
alas they proved to be hapless militarily. The Bacchants
were reckless in life and even more reckless in war. His
three heroes were: Filthy McNasty, LE Whipsnade, and
Ms.Contrary. The Bacchants' true nature immediately
became apparent on Turn 1:
>The Bacchants......do not constitute much of a military threat
>but a serious moral one. With their bawdy language and offending behaviour,
>they are tearing civilisation down, brick by brick, in the areas they
control.
>
>...The Bacchants started out as a cult, worshipping the Canadian athletes in
>the 1998 Olympic games who became famous because a medical officer found
>trace of oxygen in the marijuana mists in their lungs. For decades they
>have been living in the mountains, searching for the perfect fountain for
>water to make whisky of, and refining the art of writing bawdy limericks -
>the only poetry allowed in the Hedonistic Church of Bacchus, as they
>officialy are named.
And very importantly we learned the one way to poison a Bacchant hero:
>....try to poison their leader, by injecting water in his whisky.
From this beginning the game progressed quickly. Magnus and
Duncan agreed to a non aggression pact despite mutual
antagonism. Magnus sent the following letter to Duncan:
>Dear mr Haggis,
>Your proud declarations leaves no doubt why the windbag became the musical
>national symbol of you, strangely transvestitic (men in skirts?!) highland
>hoodlums.
>
>Not that we Offenders care. Nothing is so refreshing after days of endless
>orgies as an angry man who speaks of gold and glory as if it meant
>something. Yes, let us play that game!
>
>But this has not to be so! I have personally set up more fraud contracts
>and false treaties than I care to remember. It would be a sheer pleasure to
>arrange an honest arrangement just for the change!
With peace in hand, Magnus attacks Piglet, with whom he has
been having equally amusing relations. Magnus refers to
Piglet variously as "Ham-to-Be" and "Ham-Let", and admits to
how much he likes butchers and pork delicacies. He also
warns Piglet:
>"- Indeed! Will you tell mr Ham-to-be that politics is monkey business and
>something pigs should not deal with!"
Piglet is not happy at all! He quickly kills two of Magnus'
heroes by Turn 8 and puts an end forever to Bacchant expansion.
He replies to Magnus:
>"A BUCHER! What is a bucher doing in a farm? We are peaceful animals and
>we do not like people that kill pigs and make porkchops! Mother Sow warned
>me about people like you [Magnus]. .......... Farm animals are peaceful but
>we are no cowards, and we don't have to very politicaly savvy
>to understand what it means to be call a "Ham-to-be" and have
>someone sending spies into our farm, especially spies that are buchers."
So Magnus begs for peace and Piglet grants it to him.
Meanwhile Small Player has built an army of Pegasi and
Griffins launching a surprise attack on Piglet burning the
Farm's Dog House to the ground. It seems Piglet's porkers
were dozing in the sun and were caught napping. But Piglet
rallies with the aid of Duncan who gives us a Scottish maxim
after slaying a hero of the Me family:
>There is an old Scottish saying....."Weakly defended heroes that travel
>South have a tendency to die." Well, maybe it is not an old Scottish
>saying, but it certainly applies to this game!!
Small Player is reduced to only one city and makes a last request:
>mesage: please don't attack me I will not atack you if I atack you. you
>may pulverise me. Just let me get my armys to my capital. I just want
>todo better than some grownups!
Piglet agreed. Magnus agreed. But Duncan, his heart as cold
as the blade he carried, took Small Player's last city and
eliminated him from the game. The spectacular collapse of
both Small Player and Magnus in the first half of the game
caused some speculation as to cause: Had someone slipped
water in Magnus' whiskey? And had someone slipped whiskey
in Small Player's water? As for Magnus, it certainly
appeared as if he was operating under the unfair handicap of
being partially sober much of the game.
The Fall of Small Player produced a lull in the war. The
three remaining players each had peace agreements with each
other. Could this continue for the rest of the war? Of
course not! And it was Piglet, urged on by Magnus, who
struck the first blow. Their outrage over Duncan's
elimination of Small Player continuously grew till it became
their motive to bring Duncan to justice for what he had
done. But Duncan was outraged himself, for he felt that he
had been betrayed by both Magnus and Piglet:
>Twice in this game I have negotiated a treaty with you [Magnus]
>only to find that for a second time, you actively seek alliance
>against me. So much for your word....
To which Magnus replied with this classic quote:
>Have you heard about the fox that cried "Henthief! Henthief!"
>No?
>Then, have you heard a highlander cry out "No honor! No honor!"
>Well, it's the same...
After Piglet's attack, Duncan's empire collapses and he goes
from a high of 19 cities on turn 9 to just 1. The ghost of
Small Player is revenged and justice served. Duncan's "honor"
is squarely intact, but he has to wonder at his fate if he'd
shown a little mercy. Piglet has spread The Farm across
almost the entire world of B04, and has even got the
Bacchants to behave somewhat (or at least swear off pork
which is a good start). And finally with both his win and
his story, Piglet has proven that both figuratively and
literally--pigs can fly!
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B04 was truly entertaining. But what of the other three games?
The remainder of the votes were almost evenly split. Two games
wound up with 9 points and tied for second place, while the
third game edged ever-so-slightly ahead with 10 points.
The rules require the official prizes to go to the game with
the most points, but it is clear from the close vote that
any of the three might have won, and all three deserve
equal honors. (One judge commented that this was a bit
like Olympic figure-skating, where judgments are subjective,
margins of victory narrow, and the medals could have gone
just about any way at all had things been a little different!)
With 9 points in the voting, one of the second-place games is B09...
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The dawn breaks on the first day of conquest. In the northwest, the
white-robed Lord Vetinari summarizes his motives thus:
As he steps outside his mansion, Lord Vetinari feels that
this is the day. The old books have been studied long
enough, his followers are impatient and it is time to once
again inflict *religion* upon the world. It has been too
long since a real fundamentalist government ruled anywhere
on Earth...
To the northeast, awakened from cryogenic sleep by a lowly technician,
another Warlord of renown declares his purpose, and summons the loyal
Babyseal to begin the conquest:
"Rise, and hear my words! I am Little Puppy, Slayer of
Dragons, Protector of Things Both Weak and Small, and
Yipping Tormentor of Greater Warlords! Know ye not my cause?
I am He Who Frolics With Bunnies! I am the one they call
"Swell", "Tullip", and "Puppy the Sweet". Hear my names and
tremble! I have come to defend this Eden from those who
would step upon her flowers! From those who would choose
chaos over bliss! I am the defender of this warm world."
With these words the little warlord killed the pitiful
technician, known in these times as scout (for technicians
were the last to run the machines that searched for
extraterrestrial life). "Hmmmm...." The pale king muses
aloud, "I wonder how you get someone out of these
tanks...There must be instructions here somewhere..."
Babyseal shivers as she runs northward through the mountain
pass. Little Puppy had nearly killed her as he brought her
out of slumber, for the instructions had not mentioned that
he needed to install the Microsoft Breathe patch before
initiating the hastily-marketed Microsoft Restore Functions
routine. She wonders if she will ever warm up.
Descended from legendary warriors of old, another Warlord arises in the
southeast. Raised in a technological world, yet honoring his ancestors'
spirits, he begins his crusade:
Apache poked at his rations, his attention fixed on the 3D
viewer to the breaking news which had just interrupted the
*M*A*S*H* rerun he had been watching. ... Apache thumbed the
medicine bag which hung around his neck, carefully tucked
away, out of sight under his uniform. ...
"We shall never meet in hiding again after tomorrow! The
World shall again experience the spirituality with which the
Native Americans once walked with......not quite a religion,
but a way of life! Mother Earth has been abused and
manipulated for too long, we must liberate her for the
Creator!" ...
In a mysterious and magical land to the southwest, an equally mysterious
leader known only as Gem proclaims his stance in the coming conflict:
The Crystal King looks sad as he peers into his crystal ball
:-( He knows that warlords once more are marching. Being
a peacefull nation, we prefer beauty and art to the
attrocities of war. But hearing the distant horns of war,
our people become uneasy, so we have no choice, but to
prepare to defend our kingdom!
What fate would await these diverse philosophies as they
encountered each other on the battlefield? The Lord
Vetinari extends an overture of peace to Little Puppy, but
the Protector of Things Both Weak and Small feels that his
goals would be better met by an alliance with the kindred
spirit Apache:
"To the Great Apache, Of the Line of the Legendary Apache,
Feared Emperor-Chief of the Time of War,
Your blood flows with greatness, and if you are half the
commander that your ancesters were I have hopes that together
we can defeat the Western Menace. Will you join me?"
Such is the power of Little Puppy, that one statement settles the matter
and determines the course of the rest of the war. Little Puppy forms an
alliance with Apache, sealing the pact with the traditional smoking of
the peace pipe, leaving Lord Vetinari and Gem little choice but to form
their own alliance, becoming the 'Western Menace' by default rather than
by choice. Gem pleads once more for peace with all, threatening grave
consequences to any who might attack his kingdom, but the words have
little effect. Gem responds:
Red Apache, True to our peaceloving ways, we turned the
other cheek and offered you a second chance to reconsider
your foolish choice to engage our magical kingdom. You
still insisted on beating the wardrums and befriending
your aggressive northern neighbor :-( Perhaps your tribe
had already caught the dreaded Yellow Fever. Be that as it
may, *Peace is no longer an option* !!!
An amazing (to this reader, anyway) event occurs on turn 4:
after the first bloodshed occurs in the Northern Temple,
Little Puppy proposes and Lord Vetinari accepts a pact
between enemies to avoid razing any cities in the northern
lands. Shortly thereafter, in absence of such a pact in the
south, Apache is the first to score a victory of sorts,
forcing Gem to raze a city "to keep it out of the hands of
hostile apaches."
The beginning of the end for Lord Vetinari is a clever tactical move in
which Little Puppy, with a well-written account of the event, steals the
NW Devil from white, sacrificing it to kill the white hero, First Disciple.
Lord Vetinari uses his third hero, Second Disciple, to kill the devil,
unknowingly leaving him vulnerable to attack when Little Puppy's first
hero passes the yellow standard to his second hero, now revealed to be
none other than Gosling Puff herself. On the death of this hero and the
final loss of his standard, Lord Vetinari's kingdom began its inevitable
collapse to the forces of Little Puppy, Slayer of Dragons.
Lord Vetinari listlessly shuffles his remaining pawns -
sorry, faithful devotees - around the map. The happy
crusading days of the OAHKG [Order of the Ancient and Holy
Knights of God] seem to be over for ever.
Fires soon engulf many other southern cities, this time at the hands of
the Apache raiders themselves, with the aid of a clever elemental.
Turn 7, Apache hired a new hero, had little else to describe, and made
a prediction:
Quiet days such as this one would be few and far between in the
upcoming weeks.
Unfortunately from the standpoint of the game being entertaining, he and
Gem soon became mired in a stalemate. It seemed neither could
make any progress against the other, and instead it was the battles
which were few and far between, and quiet days the norm. Yet even with
no real action to write about, Apache has some rather dramatic dreams of
battles that never occured (for he would have lost).
Ah, but then! Treachery, or was it not treachery, for Gem to complete
his quest by sacking the city of his ally, Lord Vetinari, without any
warning, let alone negotiation? The other warlords may argue about it,
but the gods reward him with an archon to aid his stalwart defense.
Little Puppy, in particular, makes a great issue of the treachery, and
in typical Little Puppy style, says it with song...
To the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic":
Mine eyes have seen the callous way Gem hopes to win this land:
He makes a deal with weaker friends and says he'll lend a hand,
Then just when things are looking bleak he kills the truster and
says "Hey, let's still be friends!"
Gem's response is to take yet another of Lord Vetinari's cities, and
bemoan his lack of friends, wondering if he can hold out with everyone
so unfairly against him. Eh? Apache and Little Puppy reaffirm their
undying devotion to each other (and it gets rather verbose), and the war
against Gem is on -- yet proceeds exceedinly slowly in the face of some
excellent defensive positioning on Gem's part. He keeps trying to find
some chink in the alliance, however small...
Gem peers into his crystal ball and sees an ancient apache
warrior, turning over in his burial mound saying "My son,
he has twice as many cities as you, please, don't let this
happen again" , his voice fades in despair.
Even in his decline, however, Lord Vetinari has some surprises. Little
Puppy and Apache negotiate a city trade in order to complete a quest,
but as they confidently carry out their plans, a white elemental slips
past and burns the city to the ground! Little Puppy's minstrel composes
"some tender words to ease the grieving at the mass funeral." Such as,
There once was a Horny Toad town,
But nasty ol' White burnt it down.
Now the people are crying
For their friends who've been frying
Whoever din't roast prolly drown'
Gem's defense is nearly as solid as a diamond, sinking all those navies
poised to invade his kingdom, yet he has even worse surprises for Little
Puppy as well. On turn 17, Little Puppy makes the following ominous
statements:
Babyseal surveys battlefield. The complexity has become too
much for her, and she is forced to order troops based on
feel and not foresight. ... Gosling Puff is no master of
kindness, but at tactics Puff outdoes Babyseal. Too bad Gem
surpasses them both.
Turn 18 arrives, and,
Chaos reigned in the Crystal Kingdom, mathematicians were
under scrutiny and some citizens were beginning to questions
their aged wizards leadership :-( Gem held a town meeting
accompanied by his advisors on the Crystal Palace balcony.
A sampling of questions:
citizen: "Sire, is it true the Crystal King could have been
killed at the temple, have our mathematicians gone lame?"
Mathematics: Uh, Um if you look at the triumphs you will
see we have killed 92 of Puppy and Apache's armies to only
66 of our own."
citizen: "Children are singing "All hail Little Puppy", in
their desire to be on the winning side!"
Gem: "Enough, in one hour I shall return with a teaching for
all of you"
And the teaching he returns with certainly teaches Little
Puppy a lesson in tactics. Rather than eating humble pie
and getting egg on his face for leaving the Crystal King
vulnerable, he succeeds in an assault on Gosling Puff,
slaying her and stealing the Yellow Standard with no risk of
counterattack! Who's eating crow now? It was a tragic event
near the end of Little Puppy's rampage across the lands of
B09, and a bitter blow to Babyseal, who considered Gosling
Puff to be more of a sister than a competitor, but by then
the outcome of the war was set in stone, or crystal, or
perhaps written in fire.
But even Little Puppy had some surprises up his sleeve for
the other warlords, in the final turns, which I'll not
reveal here. You'll have to go read it for yourself!
In the words of the Prize Judge who nominated B09: "Not only
did all the Warlords involved stay in character throughout
the whole game, they managed to integrate each other's
stories into their own roleplaying pretty well. It was a
lot of fun to read, with great roleplaying, interesting
diplomacy, and participation by everyone all the way to the
end."
Finally, we wish to offer our condolences and praise to Gem,
who not only held up his end of the war despite being
heavily outnumbered, but did so even while dealing with the
real-life death of his brother. We are very glad indeed that
he seems to have survived his real-life loss as successfully
as he defened against Little Puppy and Apache!
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Clearly the honors accorded to B09 are well-justified!
The other second-place game with 9 points is B12...
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B12 is an all star game, with many of the best roleplayers in
the tournament coming together to produce an outstanding
story. Leading off is Dark Lord Pi who won the Best Actor
award for Round A. Next is Bottom Burp who came in 2nd
place in Round A. Raider was nominated for Best Actor in
*two* round B games, and ShirKhan received the highest
praise as well.
Dark Lord Pi (White):
Dark Lord Pi's heroes are on a desperate search for the
items of "DOOM!" for the mysterious Master who is never
identified. Curiously, The Master sends a politician, Lazarus
Jones, as the best means of spreading the gospel of The
Master and the finding of the Items of DOOM! which are vital
to save all of humanity. His three heroes are Politician
Lazarus Jones, Lieutenant Krys Oline, and Ninja Assassin
Gareth.
Bottom Burp (Yellow):
Bottom Burp tells the story of three doomed heroes: Bill
who believes the world is being controlled by purple jelly
creatures hearing voices (and listening to them); Harry, a
classic "hero" but a homicidal one in the extreme; and Lucy
who wants revenge against Harry for killing her family, but
who is herself killed before she can do anything. They
don't last long -- Bottom Burp is eliminated on Turn 11 -- but
they fight all the way to the bitter end with Bottom Burp's
unique brand of fighting spirit.
Raider (Red):
Raider is trying to establish the New World Order in the
fractured world. Of course it's going to be the elite who
rule the masses. And a little violence along the way is
acceptable as long as the ends justify the means. Satire
and incisive commentary about political structures both
current and past make this roleplay very humorous. His
three heroes are Henry Kissinger, Margaret Albright, and the
Dread Pirate Roberts (who was the first hero of the original
player, whom Raider replaces as a substitute).
ShirKhan (Blue):
ShirKhan has a novel and, in his view, eminently logical idea.
To improve the standard of living in the overpopulated world,
the human population needs to be culled. As the leader of the
Science and Engineering Organization, he brings forth the
Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Famine, Pestilence, and War are
set upon humanity to make the world a better place. By the end,
ShirKhan is confronted by DEATH itself and has to question
whether, once DEATH has been unleashed, it can ever be stopped.
Dark Lord Pi begins the game, recruiting the heroine Krys
Oline, who is joined by the ghost of her former mentor, the
dead Round A hero Dragon Knight Philip. She is a mercenary
and agrees to serve The Master for gold, but she has no idea what
Politician Jones has in store for her. She quickly finds
the first item of DOOM!, the Matrix Shield, but it is
Politician Jones who is pulling the strings. To get all
five items of DOOM!, he knows he will have to use his artful
diplomacy:
>Each message read thus:
> "Dear most (Insert Flattering Adjective) (Insert Name Here),
>Thoust noble Politician Jones wants it known that the forces under his
>command seek but five items from the land and have no great need of
>seeding the most unwholesome Death and Bloodshed of thoust most (Insert
>Another Flattering Adjective) forces at his time. If thoust doth see
>the need for peace the armies that do fall upon the comand of the most
>groovy Politcian Jones will honour such a mutual peace until the turn
>known as ten, unless such a time is postponed farther due to the
>friendly, (Insert Yet Another Flattering Adjective Here) (Insert Noun)
>between our fair armies.
> --Politician Jones, Herald of The Master, Duke of The Citadel,
>and International Mystery Man Extrodinaire."
[ On a side note, to most Prize Committee members it seemed
clear from the story that Pi's use of unusual grammar was at
least partly intentional, and contributed well to the
unique flavor and style of his story. But it could be
difficult to follow at times, and it annoyed at least one member. ]
Bottom Burp's hero, Bill, replied with his own tactful diplomacy:
>"Dear most ,
> I have thoughtfully considered your offer of peace in return for the
> objects of DOOM, and have equally thoughtfully chosen to reject the offer.
> I want the purple shiny thing for myself, and I would sooner spike myself
> with a dagger in the than give you it. Thankyou for
> your interest, however, and I wish you the best of luck in dying at my hand.
> Yours sincerely,
> Bill."
Not surprisingly this produced a war between the two, for Bill
had found an item of DOOM! and he wasn't going to give it back! :
>When that is finished, Bill reaches forward to touch the item. It is a
>circular ball of what looks to Bill like mutating jelly. It is bright
>purple, and lights up the room. Bill hesitates before touching it, then
>gently places a finger upon it's surface. Immediately he is thrown
>backwards, feeling the power rock through him. The ghost and elemental
>crowd around him, hoping he is dead so they can eat his soul and send him
>to hell. BUt Bill is not dead. He is very much alive.
>
>"Move it!" he yells to his followers. Suddenly struck by Bill's awesome
>command skills, the pair step backwards. "Carry this thing!" They do as
>they are told. They are afraid. And when Bill begins another joke, they
>listen. Intently.
>
>As they are leaving the ruins, Bill has one word stuck inside his head. He
>is unsure of its meaning, but interprets it as incredibly, mind-numbingly,
>brain-crushingly vital to life, the universe and everything. It is the
>word, "DOOM".
But the war goes horribly wrong for Bottom Burp. By turn 11,
Dark Lord Pi has eliminated him and won half the world. Most
importantly, Pi's forces recover the item of DOOM! from Bill.
Interestingly he discovers that Bill's brain was encased in
a strange purple jelly like substance. Bill wasn't crazy
after all:
>Krys was pulled forward by the Matrix Shield, inches over Bill's
>forehead. Bill tried to tell a distasteful joke. He stopped, halfway
>through it, when the Matrix Shield unleashed a green bolt of energy into
>his brain. Bill's skin melted off, as did his muscle and most of his
>bones, until the only thing left was his skull and brain. They were
>encased by a strange, purple-slowing jelly. Krys picked up one of the
>Dwarf's bags, emptied out the girly magazines, and placed the Slime
>Skull in the bag.
> Both her and Charlie slumped to the ground, as if drained. "What was
>that?" Krys asked, putting away her Matrix Shield.
> "I don..." Charlie stopped in mid-sentence. He grabbed the yellow
>flag, pulling it up as both Krys and he levitated ten feet off of the
>ground. "What is happening?"
> "It must be the interaction of both items of DOOM!, they art bestowing
>the ability to fly!"
Meanwhile Raider and ShirKhan battled in the south.
Raider's slogan was "perpetual war for perpetual peace,"
and he had formidable heroes (with very malleable ethics) in
Henry Kissinger and Madeleine Albright:
>Albright finds one last demon in the old Pentagon building.
>It was working on a project that was scheduled for
>completion 100 years ago! He just said the schedule kept
>slipping. "You know how these things drag on." Albright
>sends him back to JekylIsland to quell the riots there. He
>is concerned about Posse Comitatus since he works for the
>army. Albright quips,"The rules do not apply to us! They
>are for the human cattle!" She promises the CIA will cover
>for the demon if he does his job and wanders into the woods.
The New World Order had one secret weapon no other side had:
Red Tape. It was the master of bureaucracy, and paperwork
was just one of its weapons:
>Roberts is disturbed by an illegal alien [ShirKhan's ally]
>spotted desecrating the northern wetlands. He immediately
>issues orders to the EPA and INS to investigate this intruder
>and demand an environmental impact statement and that
>he/she apply for a green card. We will destroy this invader
>with paperwork!
Entangled in Red Tape, ShirKhan and Raider fight a slow
motion war. But is the war popular back home?
>Albright speaks to a crowd on the virtues of the war with
>the Apacolypse and gets jeered out of the city. She decides
>to go to the nearby ruins ofthe Pentagon to find out if any
>of their demons still exist. She will show these peasants
>why the elite must rule.
But neither Red Tape nor unpopularity can stop this war. It
continues until Bottom Burp is eliminated. With Dark Lord
Pi on the verge of world hegemony, ShirKhan and Raider cease
their fighting and take on The Master. ShirKhan's heroes
Famine, Pestilence and War have decimated the world of B12,
but ShirKhan sees that to continue he must not repeat the
mistakes of his history:
>ShirKhan thought about the story which the Historian had
>just told him. "So my ancestor in this far away place
>continued his fight with Kamevil the enemy while an
>unopposed army took over the lion's share of the land? That
>is illogical -- only a fool fights in a burning house."
>
>"Will you learn from the lessons which history offers?" asked the Historian.
>
>ShirKhan looked at the two messages which were on his desk.
>A continued peace with Politician Jones, or an armistice
>with the Red Tape? "Give War the go-ahead and tell Famine to
>leave the South Temple and head north," ShirKhan barked to
>his aide. To the Historian, he added: "How does it feel to
>have your head out of a book and on the chopping block?"
With the war at its height and mass slaughter and city
razing occurring everywhere, even ShirKhan had to question
the "logic" of his plan:
>So what of the SEO's own goals? Had the cull been effective
>to this point? Certainly on paper the human population had
>been drastically reduced, and many of the abominations which
>served as mass-dwelling locations had been reduced to the
>earth from whence they came. But had logic prevailed? Was
>this a weak effort that fell short of its goal, or was it a
>part of a cycle of nature -- and nature was calling a halt?
Eventually Dark Lord Pi loses half his cities to the
combined forces of ShirKhan and Raider, but all three finish
the war accomplishing their major objectives: Politician
Jones is able to gain the five items of DOOM! for The Master,
thus saving the world. Kissinger and Albright establish
their New World Order, which of course they rule as members
of the elite. And ShirKhan has successfully culled the
human population, stopping the war just before DEATH becomes
uncontrollable and claims everything. And so peace came to
B12. For now.........
*****************************************************************
B04, B09 and B12 were clearly Best Picture material. And all
featured Warlords who had earned roleplaying honors in Round A.
But in the end, the game with 10 points was the only one of the
4 nominated that did not feature any players previously nominated
for Best Actor or Best Picture -
**********
* *
* B02! *
* *
**********
Yes, the Winner for Best Picture in Round B is the game B02!
Congratulations to The Wall, Hillbillies, The Upper Class,
and Captain Picard!
*****************************************************************
This hilarious game benefitted in part from a lucky pairing of warlords.
In the west were two groups from beyond the stars -- The Wall and Captain
Picard -- and to the east was a class war in the making -- the uncouth
Hillbillies, and the well-to-do High Society. This game was one of those
few gems in the Tournament, where all four players appear to be actually
taking part in an unfolding story, rather than each telling their
individual story with references to other nations only when pacts are
signed and body bags filled. The players all accepted the roleplays going
on around them, and incorporated them into their own stories. This is
not always easy when one player is exploring planets, another cities,
another moonshine stills, and the last mansions! Somehow the players of
B02 managed to pull it off splendidly.
The Wall is a group of extra-terrestrials (of Kha-Na-Dha), led by Mar-ack,
who came to earth in the hope of communicating with humans, who they took
to be peaceful. However, upon arrival they are caught in the crossfire
between the UN and a rebel group. This fighting so enrages Mar-ack that
he calls in reinforcements and decides to destroy the "grey race".
Yellow is the Hillbillies. They introduce themselves better than we
could, if'n ya know what I mean:
Shucks. The day looked to be like any t'other. That is,
until I opened up my eyes and took a gander out the window
and seen that where there once was chicken coops, a pig pen,
pastures and our secret shack where we make moonshine, there
was now open marsh, forests and a strange looking river
meandering this a'way and that a'way. I nearly jumped out of
my skin, and then come to and realized that I must have
partaken in a bit too much of that moonshine the night
before...
Well then I come to find out that I ain't alone in this
strange land. From the deep south I hear tell of a group of
people (if you can call'em that) called the High Society
(and what a bunch of high falootin' fools they sound like!),
and then something called Captain Picard, which I'll be
damned if *I* can figure out. Something tells me (yeah, I
seem to be hearing voices in my head too), that these
strange people just might be a bit hostile, so I called our
closest neighbors to the west, and a strange bunch of
critters they is too, and said that we might agree not to
harass and trespass on their property if they do and agree
to do the same with us.
Not that I'm looking for another feud or anything. Jest this
voice in my head says I should be on my guard and 'tis
always a good thing not to be having neighbor problems on
both sides of the fence, if you catch my drift.
The order of the day seems to be to look around a bit and
see where they keep the moonshine. Ain't seen any yet, but I
reckon I'll keep on looking.
High Society is led by Seymour J. Snodworth II, the president of the Royal
Oaks Country Club. High Society is in a tizzy because ruffians are on the
move and have occupied the mansion of the former Jonathan P. Snootfloot.
If left uncountered, "We will be surrounded by stock car races, spitting
contests, and our beautiful gardens will be littered with the carcasses of
old cars." (This, of course, before the "real" ruffians arrive)
In the southwest, the USS Enterprise has arrived after an accidental trip
through an unstable wormhole. What to some are cities, to Captain Picard
are planets, and in their efforts to explore the quadrant in which they
have found themselves, they occupy many.
The North vs. South alliance is set up in the first few turns, as one
might expect, with starcruisers battling each other in the west and a
class war in the east. And the fighting is heavy, indeed. Many games in
Round B were defined by strong warlords beating up on unluckly weaker
ones, but it is far from clear in the first half of the game whether
anyone is going to get the upper hand. Blue heroes fall like flies, but
so do their White enemies, while there appears to be a stalemate in the
east. Hence, this game is made exciting not only by spectacular
roleplay, but by intense action.
By turn 11 Captain Picard and Data (Blue heroes) are both dead. Blue (we
can't really call him Captain Picard any longer) takes this as an
opportunity to expand his roleplaying. Worf (the Klingon, for those of
you not familiar with TNG) takes command and declares the Second Klingon
Empire, glad to finally be freed from the shackles of a Federation which
does not understand honor in combat ("Patah! I never trusted the
touchy-feely attitude of the Federation"). This change affects not only
Blue's general roleplaying, but the style of the diplomacy also, which
makes one truly think that command has shifted in that quadrant. Of note
for other reasons are Worf's fateful words on his first day of command:
The new Klingon Empire is not exactly expanding, but we
believe we have covered all the eventualities, and we didn't
need Data's brain to do it.
Turn 11 finally brought a dramatic shift in the east, which
would affect the entire course of the war (in the words of
the Hillbillies, in case that isn't obvious):
Well, it finally happened. We caught those RED varmints
trying to get over the fence just one too many times, and we
pegged them good with our shotgun. Turns out it was the high
lady herself, Lady Snodsworth, with a bunch of high
falootin' friends of hers including a Demon, Ghost and three
Griffens. Before she croaked, she done looked at us in a
funny way and said something about this being an "awkward
social occasion."
Meanwhile, Snodworth and crew are thinking more about their
allies, who appear to be falling behind against the forces
of Kha-Na-Dha:
"Our allies can handle themselves," interrupted Snodworth,
"I have complete faith in them that they can push those
strange Canadians back up to the north pole."
"I thought Canadians were supposed to be a peace-loving
people?" asked one of the new members.
"In general they are," responded Snodworth, "however these
appear to be a strange tribe originating from just outside
the city of Sudbury, in the province of Ontario. It appears
as if all of the acid-rain formed from the chemicals from
our factories in the US have transformed them into some sort
of mutant-Canadians who believe they are warriors from
another planet."
"My word, we must be making alot of profits in those
factories," commented one of the members as the whole room
burst out in roaring laughter.
Turn 12 begins with the killing of Worf, and a very nice
description of his death. The Wall ends his message with
the thought:
Before falling asleep again, Mar-Ack could not help but
think that maybe the Klingon should have used Data...
On Turn 13, Data's evil brother android Lor takes over
control of the Federation, though his body is not yet fully
built. Again, not only does the roleplay change, but the
diplomacy. Lor proposes a dark alliance with his yellow
enemy against the forces of Kha-Na-Dha, thinking that perhaps
the Hillbillies will agree with his cold logic and attack
their ally where he is weak. Nothing came of the
suggestion.
About this time, Mar-Ack (the White hero) receives a quest,
and begins to have visions of a white dragon, and an
uncontrollable draw toward different Blue cities where he
feels certain this dragon resides.
Mar-Ack did not get much sleep. The vision of the white
dragon was still clouding his mind. He felt a pull towards
Pacifica (58). He could not resist. His body went into a
trance while he was giving out orders. The first wave
attacked at dawn. The enemy was caught by surprise. The
attackers were able to weaken significantly the blue's
defensive position. The catapult was launching rock after
rock, raining death upon the defender.
The second wave did not wait for the death of all their
comrades. The relentlessly pushed on. The walls of the
city were dripping blood into the river. The dragon was
there, looking, laughing.
The third and fourth waves fought well into the afternoon.
They were forced to climb onto the broken backs of their
fellow warriors to reach the city. Mar-Ack never felt so
good.
As night was falling, Mar-Ack killed the last of the enemy
and looked up. The dragon was flying away, laughing. "You
are not worthy", was the dragon's words to Mar-Ack. Soon,
the dragon will be mine, he thought to himself.
White and Blue heroes continue to be traded like baseball
cards, with Mar-Ack and Lor falling in succession.
As time passes, the war goes more and more badly for the
High Society. By turn 17, there is even dissention in the
ranks, with Moneybags suggesting surrender:
"Oh come on," shouted Moneybags. "The reason we're in this
is to make a profit, but the whole thing has backfired on
us. The market's falling and we have to sell, it's that
simple."
Moneybags is "taken care of" for his sharing of thoughts.
In the end, the southern alliance is mostly beaten. The
Wall marches through an utterly destroyed land in the futile
hope of actually taking a city before Blue razes it. The
Hillbillies were more fortunate, managing to hold a few of
the mansions of their enemies. Yellow destroys High Society
on turn 20, but the rich get the last laugh by finally
slaying a yellow hero after they had been wiped off the map
(only one of a few Classic quirks exploited to full
advantage in this game). LaForge, who was the last leader
to take command of a starship for the Federation, manages to
find a wormhole and flee, hoping to finally make it back to
Alpha Quadrant.
To end with a quote from the Hillbillies:
"My grandpappy said a lot of things in his time. It turns
out most of what he said pertained to chicken farmin', but
for some weird reason I think his words make a lot of sense
in our situation."
And Grandpappy said: Thanks B02 for not just playing a
thrilling game, but telling us about it so well! Er, at
least he said something like that, if'n you know what I
mean.
*****************************************************************
Yes, we do know what you mean! Congratulations again to all four!
We could go on further about the glories of this game -- all four
players received Best Actor nominations -- but the only way
to do proper justice to it is to encourage everyone to go
and read it for himself!
***********************************************************************
Before we proceed to the Best Actor award, it's worth reflecting
a little on what we have learned about writing Best Picture-quality
games.
From Round A we learned:
>(1) It's important to have a sense of humor and be entertaining.
>(2) It's important to have a role-played character for your *Warlord*;
> the individual heroes and allies add color to the turn reports,
> but it's the Warlord that sends out the diplomacy, and only if
> the diplomacy is role-played does the game read like a coherent
> story, instead of a bunch of guys talking about a game.
>(3) Brevity is definitely the soul of wit; a short, well-aimed message
> is often better than long-winded rambling. One should not
> say too much that distracts from the main themes of the story
>(4) It's difficult to invent new characters, but original characters
> are new and interesting. Still, if you recycle other people's
> characters and ideas, and do it well, you can do a very good job.
>(5) Above all, don't let the game become personal. Neither the
> roleplaying or - especially - the diplomacy.
>(6) It's OK to be evil and do an evil roleplay, and it can be fun
> if you don't let the game become personal or become overly graphic
> with the violence.
There were some additional qualities which we found in the Round B
Best Picture nominees:
(7) It is great if you can coordinate stories by incorporating
elements from the other players' roleplays into your own,
and bring up ideas of your own that others can build upon.
(For instance, the "Red Tape" which Raider used as an effective
theme in B12 was actually ShirKhan's idea.)
(8) The best roleplays have an overall strategic vision, and
do not simply narrate a series of disconnected tactical events.
Well-written events are necessary building-blocks, but a
20-turn story should also have a long-term conflict with
a continuous plot and common themes.
Thanks once again to Piglet, Small Player, Duncan Macleod, Magnus,
Lord Vetinari, Little Puppy, Apache, Gem, Dark Lord Pi, Bottom Burp,
Raider, ShirKhan, The Wall, Hillbillies, The Upper Class, and
Captain Picard for giving us 4 great examples of how it's done!
And, of course, special congratulations to The Wall, Hillbillies,
The Upper Class, and Captain Picard for writing the
Best Picture of Round B!!!
-- The Tournament Round B Prize Committee
(Keiran Downie, David Hauri, Dirk Pellett, Alex Vickers,
Matthew Wellens, and Bob Heeter)