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* Round A Prizes and Awards, Part 2: *
* *
* THE WARLORDS OSCARS - BEST ACTOR AWARD - ROUND A *
* *
* "Honoring the Greatest individual role-play." *
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Once the Best Picture awards were voted upon, it was time
to vote for Best Actor. Many warlords of great talent and
role-playing skill deserved this award, but only one prize
could be given - for this round, anyway!
The Prize Committee scoured the archives, and out of 144 role-plays,
a dozen were selected; twelve who possibly formed the top twelfth
of the Round A roleplaying.
From A04, Piglet (Green) was nominated, for his tales of life on "The Farm".
From A07, Magnus emerged as a warlord with a hilarious sense of humor.
From A09, Avenger (Blue) caught attention for attitude and diplomacy.
From A10, Little Puppy, Slayer of Dragons... (White) showed promise.
From A14, Dark Lord Pi (Orange) and the items of DOOM! were nominated.
From A16, Bottom Burp (Blue) and his blood-soaked story was noticed.
From A17, the runner-up for Best Picture, two were nominated:
* L'Ennemi du Bien (White), with James Bond and Red Harris
* Avenging Angel (Green), with his star Reporters
From A23, Steve the Giant (Green) and his poetic story were spotted.
From A25, Falcon (Orange) and his epic adventure were impressive.
From A26, Ythorm Carstik (Green) caught everyone's eye. And,
From A35, Lord Lucky (White) told a remarkable tale in verse.
The histories of each of these games can be found on the Remailer
Past History screen, or downloaded directly from the
Warlords Web Archives at
http://www.pixgen.com/~rfheeter/w2home/archive/tournament/rounda/
From this list, Little Puppy was removed, as he had already won
a Best Picture award.
Each of member of the Prize Committee read the other 11 histories,
and then the votes were taken. Unfortunately one excellent story
ran afoul of the official role-playing guidelines and was disqualified
due to its use of language and adult humor, though it earned a place
in the hearts of many judges.
Each Prize Committee judge cast 3 votes, for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place.
The nominees received 3 points for a first-place vote,
2 for a second-place vote, and 1 for a third-place vote.
The minimum criterion was to find a story that followed the official
diplomacy and role-playing guidelines, but beyond that, each member
of the Prize Committee used his own criteria for ranking
his favorites. Some went for "short & sweet" and favored poetry;
others looked for creativity and wit; others looked for attitude,
style, and that elusive "Tournament Spirit". Did the role-play
have a good opening and a good conclusion? Did the player
"stay in character" and have a consistent theme and style?
The Prize Committee wanted to be entertained by what they
read - after reading half a dozen game histories, most of them start
to sound pretty much the same!
Nonetheless, everyone found plenty of what they liked!
(Indeed, maybe too much - it would have been easier to get these
prizes done if we did not have so much good material to work with!)
The voting quickly clustered around a few excellent stories...
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Honorable Mention for Best Actor goes to Avenging Angel of A17.
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Avenging Angel put together the, umm, "Most Seductive XXX
Reporters Broadcast Team", his two heroines Barbie Bosom and
Lana Lay, and their allied consorts. The Prize Committee was
enthralled by this tale, though it is a bit adult-oriented.
Alas, because this is a family tournament, with children as young as 9
(er, now 10) participating in Round A, and because the language
and spirit of Avenging Angel's roleplay was heavily oriented
towards R-rated tabloid journalism, it ran afoul of the official
guidelines, and so we disqualified it from receiving votes
(although it received one vote anyway). But the excerpts and summary
below will give you a feel for this excellent role-play!
Once upon a time there were three Avenging Angels: Barbie Bosom, Lana Lay, and
Angelica Archon. And they were Larry's Angels, and everywhere they went they
were followed by the Horny Little Devil who protected them from all the bad
guys in the world. Barbie Bosom and Lana Lay were star reporters for The Daily
Grind, and in pursuit of enemy spies and "good" stories, they went muckraking
all over the world of A17 and spread the Green of The Reporters to all but two
of the cities of the world. Of course by Green we mean money and jealousy for
aren't those the motivations of all true reporters?
But first Barbie and Lana had to convince the other journalists to follow
them, but as most of the reporters were men, this was easily done as is shown
from the reaction of this hapless Jerry Springer clone:
>Why are you so surprised?" She [Barbie Bosom] asks. "Every spy story has at
>leas one obligatory babe, usually more."
>
>She looks like one of those comic book heroines, except more shapely. She has
>a figure that makes an hour glass look flat. Just one smile is
>enough to give most men heart attacks. She makes Kim Basinger look
>like a Basset Hound. She is so well endowed, you wonder how she can
>stand upright. You are her slave. Your heart is melting and you
>barely hear her words.
>
>"I'm going to have to tie you up", she whispers.
>
>"Oh Barbie, you can tie me up." "You can pillage me." "Do anything you want."
>
>And so Sarajevo fell to one of Larry's Angels. "
Next she had to convince the Horny Little Devil to join her so she could track
down all those enemy spies:
>Ever so slowly and carefully the door is opened and as you sneak a glance
>around the door. The shock overwhelms you. This is beyond belief.
>Your pulse races, your tail lashes, you lear from ear to ear. "HOT DAMN!
>What a surprise! It's Barbie Bosom, star reporter for the Daily Grind!!!!"
>
>"Who were you expecting?" She asks. "Mother Theresa?"
>
>But then apprehension engulfs your pathetic little soul (which is already
>mortgaged to the hilt). As a matter of unprinciple, you do not abet
>Avenging Angels, neither Barbie Bosom nor her partner, Lana Lay.
>"No, I won't help", you cry out, "I'm judged by the crowd I hang out with,
>and I ain't no angel. I'll never stoop that high."
>
>Barbie merely smiles. "I'm really really good when I'm bad", she whispers.
>And the rest is history."
But then came the biggest challenges. Both L'ennemi du Bien (White) and
Professor Patrick (Blue) did not want hordes of muckraking reporters marauding
through their lands going through garbage cans and asking, "Who slept with
who?" while claiming that the story was not about sex. The struggle against
the White spies, James Bond and Red Harris, was so hot and so intense that it
can't be reprinted here. To get the full details you'll have to go to the
grocery store and pick up your own copy of The Daily Grind. It has all the
gory details about the Angels victory.
But the leader of the Blue Spectators, Professor Patrick, was a much trickier
opponent. Perhaps because he was Larry's real-life brother [Headquarters
claims this was only coincidence], he knew all the tricks the
Angels could pull. He, alone of all men, could resist their temptations.
Perhaps because he was his older brother, or perhaps because Professor Pat
always called him "Lawrence," Larry's Angels descended to the lowest possible
level of muckraking against the always polite Professor Pat (who probably was
wishing "Lawrence" have his mouth washed out with soap). And thus began the
family feud known as Lang War III:
>Our horny little side kick joins Barbie, and they march off together towards
>the Mad Professor Pat -- or as he is sometimes called "Dr. Po". Rumor
>has it that the Mad Doctor from C.O.U.C.H. has secret plans for using
>the remote control on his TV set to dominate the world while he watches
>College Football and pets his cats.
But all did not go well for the Angels as Professor Pat had his own secret
defenses. He was even able to kill one of our lovely Angels, Barbie Bosom,
while she "rested" in the city with a friend. She was eulogized by the Horny
Little Devil:
>She was born in bed, died in bed, and was good in bed. May her soul rest in
>bed, forever and ever."
But our dearly departed Angel did not give her life in vain. The explosion of
cable news and the plague of journalism schools across the world ensured
that there was a never ending supply of reporters, and they all came looking
for Professor Pat hoping for that elusive interview that would bring them
money, a Pulitzer, and the jealousy of all the other reporters. But Professor
Pat heroically managed to keep the talking heads out of two cities and
never succumbed to the charms of our three Angels, Lana, Angelica, and now a
true Angel in Heaven, Barbie:
>But despite the taunts from the Mad Professor, the Reporters were tired of
>fighting. After all, some Spectators will be needed to listen to the
>Reporters when they report the Olympics, even if all the athletes are dead.
>And some of the Reporters needed to begin athletic training, so they could
>compete and report on each other.
>
>The world was at peace once again."
That was good... but now we come to the official third place...
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3rd Place for Best Actor goes to ... [...drum roll...] ... Avenger of A09!
He received 7 points (1 first-place, 1 second-place, and 2 third-place).
***************************************************************************
Avenger, as Blue in A09, created a highly detailed strategic roleplay based
upon the 1960's British television show, "The Avengers" which is now a
feature film. (And if only the filmmakers had read this role-play first!)
He has also been recognized as a master diplomat (see the "No
Front Award"). His roleplaying is intricately tied up with his diplomacy, and
the two really can't be separated. His two heroes were the secret agents John
Steed, always debonaire in his bowler hat and umbrella sword, and Emma Peel in
her famous catsuit fitted on as if by magic. They were directed by a
mysterious leader known only as Avenger who controlled everything in the
background. Their purpose was to protect the Spectator way of life and bring
it to as many "grateful" people as possible:
>The city shall fall before our combined strength! While some of you will not
>survive the battle, be assured that you die for a greater cause! The
>Spectator way of life shall never be compromised, and woe betide those who
>might think otherwise. Through the gates!!!
Avenger's main method of spreading the Spectator way of life was through
artful manipulation of propaganda and expoitation of technology. Where
Avenger's agents failed, his own diplomacy and manipulation of the media,
especially TV Rights, gathered him success. He manipulated, threatened and
intimidated his way across half the map with hardly a fight. Regarding his use
of diplomacy he commented:
>The art of diplomacy," he thought, "is similar to slow dancing with your
>brother's ugly wife. The element of danger spices what might otherwise be
>boring, and one wrong move can get you an axe in the forehead." He shut down
the >computer and walked away.
>"Sun Tzu, eat your heart out!"
Unfortunately try as he might Avenger did not bring the Spectator way of life
to all the citizens of A09. An overlooked elemental made it possible for The
Reporters to kill John Steed. His fall left Emma Peel alone, and without her
trusty parner the Spectators dominated the world, but there were those who
stubbornly clung to old ways of life. In the end, 60% of the A09 world was
controlled by the mysterious Avenger. With the TV Rights in hand,
who knows where he will turn up next?
Our pace quickening, we come ever closer to the Best Actor of Round A.
Our next stop is 2nd place...
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2nd Place for Best Actor goes to ... [ drum roll ] ... Bottom Burp of A16!
He collected 8 points, with 2 first-place votes and 1 second,
and narrowly edged out Avenger for the runner-up spot.
**************************************************************************
Bottom Burp's roleplay can best be described as humorous and zany with a sharp
edge to it. He created his heroes and just let them go (out of control
usually) and adapted his story as the game developed rather than creating a
single theme and then staying with it the rest of the game. Unfortunately as
Blue, Bottom Burp lost both his heroes on Turn 7 and was eliminated on Turn
15, but he roleplayed right up to the end humorously embracing his bitter
fate. For his unrelenting good spirits, his willingness to get his forces
killed despite terrible odds, and his unshakeable sportsmanship in a hopeless
cause we'd like to award him our own private Charge of the Light Brigade
Award.
Bottom Burp's two heroes were Elvis Pelvis and Frank. Elvis Pelvis can at
best be described as a hot tempered psychotic whereas Frank was the sane one,
at least by comparison. Both heroes did a ruthless job subduing Blue's home
cities, and they took great pleasure in terrorizing their own population to
further the Spectator cause. It was their only accomplishment. Two examples of
Bottom Burp's city conquests:
>Elvis Pelvis, continuing his reign of terror, sets up a pikeman
>training centre for 500 gold in C D'Ampezzo, and institutes conscription.
>The mayor of the town complains. Ten seconds later, a new election
>is called for, plus a towel to clean Elvis Pelvis' sword.
and
>A lone griffin flies absently around the countryside.
>It is hungry, and hasn't seen a rabbit or deer for
>days. Then it sees the city walls of Grenoble drifting
>over the horizon. He squawks in eagerness and flies above
>the city and begins circling it. The city-folk scream,
>but he is not interested. All he is interested in is
>the gigantic egg he can see, standing in the middle of
>the town square. He cannot identify it exactly, but
>he knows one thing. It's going to be tasty.
>
>The Griffin screams a cry of attack, and swoops towards
>the egg. The egg starts to move, starts to run away, but
>the griffin is too quick. Soon he has the round, pink
>egg in his talons and is devouring it with great aplomb.
>
>Seeing as how Jim the bald mayor is now dead, the griffin
>discovers he has captured the city. He also discovers he
>will never go hungry again. The scouthall is quickly
>dispatched of for 175 gold."
However on Turn 6 Elvis Pelvis got mad and decided to fight. He rushed off in
such a rage that both he and Frank were easily killed on Turn 7. The funeral
was a very sad time for all:
>The Spectators bow their heads. Hundreds of dwarves, wolfriders,
>and some rogue griffins stand around the twin gravesites, mourning
>the loss of their two heroes. A dwarf remarks that at least they
>went out fighting. A dwarf replies that that seems reasonably
>apparent, given that the only part of Elvis Pelvis they could find
>was his right hand, still clutching the handle of his sword.
This loss created a deep crisis of confidence in the once fearless Bottom
Burp:
>Meanwhile, in a deep, deep hole near The Couch, Bottom Burp lies,
>sobbing, scared for his life, devastated at his idiocy. His own
>people hate him, heroes fear to join him, for fear that they too
>will have their lives sacrificed in some blatantly ridiculous
>manner. Bottom Burp tries to explain he was distracted by law
>exams, but the people do not listen, and well they should not.
>His tactics, though revolutionary and daring, were as successful
>as Elvis Pelvis' early career as a kindergarten teacher. And
>they left just as many people dead."
A third hero, Beefcake, appeared but fared no better than the two before, but
he was equally as humorous with Beefcake inadvertently digging his own grave,
but you'll have to read the game history for that part.
And so finally, as one gazes across the world that was A16, there is
no trace left of the glory that was Bottom Burp except for two small stones:
>Frank's gravestone reads:
>Here lies Frank, once known as one of the greatest heroes
>alive. Now merely known as one of the greatest heroes. Rest in Peace.
>
>Elvis Pelvis' gravestone had been carved by Elvis himself in his
>death throes, having realised his impending doom, chipped away
>a nearby stone with his teeth. It simply reads:
>I'll be waiting in Hell...
And yes, Elvis has left the tournament.
****************************************************************************
... but that was not all, for there was one more Warlord with many votes ...
... and, when the dust had settled and all was said and done ...
... the Best Actor award for Round A was officially awarded to ...
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Dark Lord Pi!!!
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Gathering 2 first-place votes and 3 second-place votes for a total
of 12 points, Dark Lord Pi emerged as a clear favorite.
His is a "storytelling" role-play, with a crazy cast of quirky
characters, guided in a fanatical search for the items of "DOOM!"
by a mysterious "Master". Unfortunately, Pi's brave characters
were somewhat overmatched on the battlefield by the
forces of Fortissimo, but we hope that their exploits will
live on forever in the songs and legends of the Tournament!
We simply insist that you all go and read this in its entirety,
but just to make sure you see why, we will share some highlights:
Here's a characteristically witty snippet from the beginning:
>The first, and most noticeable, thing was the stench: decay and its
>cruel sister, death. Moldy bread and rotting human flesh filled the
>streets, inundated red from blood. This was no peaceful village,
>it was almost Los Angeles!
There was another particularly special moment in the game, as Pi's
hard-pressed forces were being forced onto the defensive by
Fortissimo's approaching hero. One of Dark Lord Pi's heroes,
Dragon Knight Ilira, had been slain by Fortissimo's forces
in a surprise attack on Turn 11, but still Pi fought on,
seeking that special justice that is sometimes called "revenge".
Yet the tides of war continued to flow to Fortissimo, who was
rapidly defeating the other players. Fortissimo wrote on
Turn 14: "Five heroes down, one to go." That one remaining hero
was Dark Lord Pi's leader Roger the Politician. On Turn 15,
Roger sent a challenge to Fortissimo's hero Paap:
> A messenger went out from Roger's encampment to speak to Paap. It
>suggested a one-on-one duel between the two noble Hero's to take place
>inbetweenst their strongholds. Each may bring the seven comrades they
>deem fit. The prize: four of the five items of DOOM!
> A second messenger was sent with the same news in case the first was
>killed on sight. Roger awaits a response.
Paap responded that there was no need for Roger to move:
>Paap wonders if Roger doesn't know that the next olympic games
>will be held in Sydney? The best thing Roger can do is stay in
>sidney and wait for the games to begin. Paap is already gathering
>athletes to compete in Sydney, some of them have even been sent on
>a trainging-run near the Gap.
... and this set the stage for the high point of the game.
As told by Dark Lord Pi himself, on Turn 16:
> Roger woke with a start, sweat covered Roger's body. Roger's throat
>was dry and the air was filled with the eerieness that accompanies two
>o'clock in the morning. A strong presence swept over Roger's body, it
>was the warm breathe of the ferouscous Dragon, Bob.
> "What is it?"
> Bob walked in, sullen. "A messenger arrived a few moments ago. It
>seems Paap spared him to deliver his message."
> Roger swung her legs over the bed and stood. The ground was shaky at
>first, but felt safer than the nightmare-laced bed. "What?"
> "He promises the next Olympics to be held here."
> Roger looked at the mirror. The face that looked back was even worse
>than Roger felt. "The fool."
> Bob tilted his large, Dragon head. "How so?"
> "I shall not make the mistakes of Ilira. Ilira was a Dragon Knight:
>Honourable, Kind, and Courageous. Paap is none of those things, and as
>the Politician for the Master, neither am I."
> Roger, still in nightclothes, stormed out of the keep room that Roger
>had been occupying for the past couple of days.
> It took thirty-eight minutes for Atlanta's defenders to assemble in the
>main foyer. They were all groggy from lack of sleep. Roger took a deep
>breathe and one last look at the assembled soldiers before speaking.
>"You all remember Ilira's sacrifice? The heroic Giant Spider's tale
>from the north-west? The Heavy Infantryman Ermac Jones?"
> Head nodded and eyes began to tear.
> "None of us may ever see sunrise, but Paap shall join them in hell!"
>Gasps filled the crowd, followed by the whisper of murmurs. None were
>tired anymore.
> "We have only three hours till sunrise and we must strike by then.
>Messengers have been sent north, to the Gap, for reinforcements, but
>whether Atlanta will be secure tonight does not matter. Paap, and the
>item of DOOM! he holds must come under our control."
> Joseph, one of the Wizard-Scouts, spoke up. "But how will we all
>travel there? There are not enough horses and we must save our strength
>for the fight."
> Roger smiled, "Bob can take me. Joseph, Shapiro you guys ride on the
>Griffen. The rest can follow the two Dwarves I've hired to help lead
>the way."
>
> Three hours, ten minutes later the forces were in position. They
>looked down upon the dying fires of Garmisch-P as the sky started to
>blue. With a loud scream Roger's score of fighters raced down the
>hill. Paap's forces were caught in disarray, but quickly formed up to
>meet the charge.
> Hours past, each side losing precious men. Joseph, the Wizard-Scout,
>died as he led his men down the wrong alley and into a bottomless pit.
>Shapiro, the other Wizard-Scout, was stabbed in the back by a traitorous
>Dwarf. Bob grabbed the Dwarf between his teeth and ripped it in two.
> Paap, noticing the overwhelming odds, grabbed his Devil and pulled back
>into his castle's keep. Roger through the Hercules' Spear after him,
>but a Scout got in the way and exploded.
> Paap looked around, and noticed that the only ones standing were
>herself, Bob, the Griffin, and a pair of Spiders. Roger pointed at the
>main doors. "Kill them all, but leave Paap for me."
> Paap grabbed his Cool Runnings Sled, the reason why he had ducked into
>the Keep, and began to lay the law down with it. Bob and the Devil
>fought, and the moment Bob got the upper hand did Paap stab the sled
>through Bob's back.
> Roger entered the room and tightened her hand around the blood-covered
>Hercules' Spear. "You will die."
> Paap shouted, "Never!"
> Both powerful warriors sparred, Sled against Spear. An hour passed,
>but neither had the advantage. Then Paap pulled out his secret weapon:
>Merchandizing. The gold coins made it hard to stand and Roger fell,
>dropping Hercules' Spear.
> Paap gloated, preparing to finish Roger off with a single blow. "Ha.
>Now I shall be the most powerful hero in the world."
> Roger sneared. "You are forgetting one thing, though."
> Paap furled his eyebrows, "And what is that?"
> "By the power of Anton Geesinks!" Roger jumped up as her magically
>belt glowed with mystical energy. Her right fist went right through
>Paap's chest and out the back. Paap slid off of Roger's arm, dead.
> "That was for Ilira."
> It took the rest of the day to wash Paap's scent out of the place.
>Unfortuantely, all the friends and soldiers that died in the name of
>justice would also need to be buried. Roger, later that day, thought of
>all the people who had died for the vengence as the stars began to
>emerge in the night sky. "Their blood should not be so easy to remove.
> "Out spot. Out damned spot."
>
>
>-- And with the morning shall new surprises unfold.
And so they did! And the spotlight now falls on you, Dark Lord Pi!
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Congratulations to Dark Lord Pi for the Best Actor of Round A!
You will be contacted shortly so that we can work out which
specific prize you will receive from SSG, and make arrangements
for having it sent to you!
(For the vast majority who didn't win Best Actor or Best Picture
in Round A, there's still time! Round B may be nearly over, but
Round C is only just beginning...)
Before you all go back to your wars, however, we hope you take
some time to look over the huge collection of highlights from
Round A that we gathered up while doing the prizes. Round A was full
of sublime moments and exciting stories! Some of the best stories and
statistics are described in the Warlords Pulitzers, the Scroll of Honors,
the Gossip Column, and the Tomb of the Fallen Warlords, all of which
you will have waiting in your mailbox momentarily... :)
-- The Tournament Round A Prize Committee
(Matthew Wellens, Denis Lacasse, Alex Vickers,
Ivan Baird, Max Fulton, and Bob Heeter)